Today I woke up with that familiar ache that has found a home in my heart recently. I miss Utah so much and find my mind wandering to that place that questions why we made this move - a dangerous, but familiar place. I am the queen of second-guessing and I can drag out the process for quite awhile. This move has brought such a variety of emotions and sometimes I feel like I just want my brain to stop, to stop pining away for what was and to stop worrying about what might be.
Since today is a day about being thankful I do realize how blessed I am. I have an amazing husband who would have stayed in Logan if I had asked him to, but who has so much to give and share and I am grateful that I get to be on this journey with him. I have a daughter who has taught me more about the important aspects in life than anyone or anything. Just yesterday I read a story she is working on and I was in complete awe of her abilities - my god, this child came from me?! This child did not want to leave Logan either and yet smiles about something each and every day!
I have a home which has heat, lights, and is surrounded by beauty outdoors. I am healthy and able to run, skip, throw a ball, wrap my arms around loved ones. I have a job that allows me to laugh with children, share their joy and share knowing smiles with the parents who love them, but might feel just a bit overwhelmed at times. I get to leave my job each day with my favorite 10-year old who peppers our drive home with her stories and I know the characters of whom she is speaking!
I have the ability to constantly learn and strive for improving my life and the lives of those around me. I can be kind, I can find something wonderful in every life I encounter and I can say I love you to people in my life who will say the same to me. I have so much and of those things I am sorely missing, I have wonderful memories that wrap around me like a blanket and in their making I have lost nothing. I am thankful for the awareness I have that life is constantly changing, and in those changes come moments that need to be savored.
One of my favorite pieces in literature, from Our Town by Thornton Wilder: But, just for a moment now we're all together. Mama, just for a moment we're happy. Let's really look at one another!...I can't. I can't go on.It goes so fast. We don't have time to look at one another. I didn't realize. So all that was going on and we never noticed. Take me back -- up the hill -- to my grave. But first: Wait! One more look. Good-bye , Good-bye world. Good-bye, Grover's Corners....Mama and Papa. Good-bye to clocks ticking....and Mama's sunflowers. And food and coffee. And new ironed dresses and hot baths....and sleeping and waking up. Oh, earth,you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you. Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every,every minute?
Happy Thanksgiving. Life is good!