Monday, December 20, 2010


This was the quote on my friend's Facebook page this morning:

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, "It might have been." ---John Greenleaf Whittier

I told Josh I would have to use them for a post, because I think every single person has a story of what might have been....

I'm going to beat a dead horse here and say once again that one reason we did make the move to Michigan even though we were so happy in Utah is because that once Steve was offered the position here, I knew if he turned it down he would always wonder what could have been and I didn't want to live with that. It's true that as soon as he found out about the position he could've said he wasn't interested and then we could've imagined that it wouldn't have worked out, and he was willing to do that, knowing he was happy in Utah, but I'm the one who told him to go for it.

Even while living in Utah there were moments when I wondered about what path our lives would've taken had Steve accepted an offer he had in Arizona, an offer he received the same time as the offer in Utah. I was happy in Utah, so I didn't dwell on it, but I did wonder.

We cannot take every single path laid out for us - we shouldn't...sometimes we need to stick to one path and experience that journey, but I think what directs us too often is fear - fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of rocking the stability for which we've worked so hard to attain. I think when we make decisions out of fear, we later regret those decisions.

One thing that has been happening to many I know of is the exploration of what could've been with people from our past. With Facebook and email, it is very easy now to get back in touch with old boyfriends/girlfriends. I think some people are using this idea of what could've been to alter their lives and although it is tempting, it's wreaking a lot of havoc. I think those relationships we had in the past were meant to stay in the past....and if one has a spouse, children, a family then one needs to realize that choosing not to explore something that yes, may lead to some regret, is done out of love and responsibility. We all wonder about the one who got away or the one who we now find out also had feelings for us many years ago, but there will ALWAYS be temptations in that arena. What I have seen happen with those who've decided to pursue the paths of boyfriends/girlfriends past is that they end up at the same starting point from which they were running - regret, only now it is a regret for what they have done to a person who was in their lives, daily and with a shared past.

So some things we are not meant to find out what could have been, we need to focus on what is...but sometimes we need to step outside of fear and find out what could be when the zone of comfort is left behind.

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