Is It Still a Faux Pas if You Really Don't Know Better?

A few evenings ago Steve and I were enjoying our daughter's lovely orchestra concert. Before the performance, it was announced that all audience members should silence their phones and pagers. Steve and I both left our phones at home, so we were good. (We also left the camera at home, so no chance of committing the flash photography faux pas either...but we committed the parental faux pas of not taking any photos of our child's last 5th grade strings performance. You can't win.)

We had been sitting near the aisle, but a family of 4 came in late, so we scooted in, with me sighing about being so inconvenienced! (How self-centered am I?) About midway through the concert, just before a piece was to be performed, one of the family member's phones went off, loudly. Faux pas number 1. This person then went ahead and answered their phone. Faux pas number 2. This person then had a conversation. Faux pas number 3. I didn't move, like a deer in the headlights, I was stunned, and then torn. Since I was sitting rather close to this person, I could tell, from a few factors, that this person was not being a jerk, not being rude on purpose, not trying to let the world know that their time and conversation was more important than anyone else's time and efforts. This person was sweetly ignorant of our 21st century rules of etiquette. They did not take a phone call during our children's performance out of an elitist, entitled arrogance that surpasses an awareness of others. This person just did not know better.

Now, most people in our world today do know better. If you know better, please do not carry on a loud and personal conversation next to me on a city bus. Don't drive your car while talking, nearly swerving into my car because you cannot multitask. Don't glance at your phone every ten minutes while we are having dinner (glancing once might be ok, especially if you have small children and you're worried the babysitter is calling...). Do realize that sometimes, just sometimes, a person commits a faux pas out of ignorance, not out of rudeness and there is really no need for your comments and remarks, which are like the loud sshhhhhes of children in a classroom - louder than the chatty offenders. I am guilty of both offenses - the cell phone faux pas and the remarks, but that night, I learned my lesson. Don't assume.

Proud of the Presbyterians

I was raised Presbyterian and today I feel proud of the Presbyterian Church for voting to remove a ban that kept people who are gay from being ordained. As taken from the NPR piece: The measure approved Tuesday eliminates language in the church constitution requiring that clergy live "in fidelity within the covenant of marriage between a man and a woman, or chastity in singleness." The new provision instead requires ministers to "submit joyfully to the Lordship of Jesus Christ in all aspects of life."

I am not a Christian anymore, but I really like the language of that last statement. To me it means getting rid of our man-made prejudices and ideas of what people should be doing. Just the idea of submitting joyfully, it makes me smile.

I feel too much of religion is about judging one another, I know it is not suppose to be, but it is what I see too often by people who claim to be religious. There is no way that an all-loving god would want that. I see this as one step toward eliminating judgments we make of one another based on our interpretations of the Bible - and as I've said before, I do not think one should take certain portions of the Bible literally, but then feel justified in interpreting other portions.

Way to go, Presbytery!

Mother's Day

Sophie gave me the very best Mother's Day gift in the world the other day when she told me, "I love myself!" She often tells me she loves me, which makes my heart soar, but hearing that she loves herself...that makes me feel really, really good.

My own mother taught me about loving others, giving of oneself to make the world a bit brighter for another. I was about 9 years old when I went to a nursing home with her to play the piano for the residents. I got up, played a few notes, realized I didn't know the rest of the song, and promptly went back to my seat. I was so humiliated, but people came up to me and told me how beautifully I'd played. Ah, service didn't have to be perfect, it just had to be done!

Loving others and loving oneself, not always easy tasks in which to achieve success, but I will try. Thank you to the woman who mothered me and the child who made me a mother.

Tim

Tim died last year, on May 10, he was 44 years old. Tim was beautiful in body and spirit, he was kind, he was intelligent and he had a laugh that filled your soul. When you entered a room with Tim, people noticed and yet, his attention was on you (ok, except that one time at the Gardener's Market when his attention was really on that guy that he ditched me for...).

I first saw Tim (whose birth certificate reads, "Timmy") when I was 18, fresh to Logan, UT, about to embark on my college adventure. He was a cashier at the local grocery store and I always picked his line. He was gorgeous and happy and made ringing up your groceries seem like his favorite thing to do in the whole world - he did this for everyone. Like many, I had a bit of a crush on Tim - I don't think you could know Tim and not have a bit of a crush on him.

Tim became part of my life in a way that many friends do, weaving in and out during its days and years. He was always there and knowing he was somewhere in this world just made my life a bit easier. I didn't always know exactly what he was up to, but when we reconnected, as it is with good friends, it was like no time had passed.

Just before Tim died, we got together one last time. My daughter was very into the local folklore of a place called The Nunnery. Tim had been a caretaker of The Nunnery for a few years and he agreed to meet with Soph and tell her his stories. We met at Einstein Brothers, over coffee and chocolate milk, and he did for Sophie what he did for so many, he made her feel like she was the most important person in the world at that very moment.

I don't know what Tim died of, I don't know how his last hours were spent and really, I guess those things don't matter. I'll always hear that laugh - it just pulled from you your own laughter and made you feel really glad to be in that moment. At his funeral were people from all walks of life and it reinforced for me that Tim didn't see people in categories, he saw people...saw them, something so many of us fail to do, even with those standing right in front of us. Ah Tim, you were somethin'.

Mi Familia

On Sunday Soph and I had a puzzle-off. We timed each other to see who could put the U.S. puzzle together faster. Soph is quite good at getting those states in their places and it's fun to point out the states she's been to - 22 total, with hopes of many more. She commented on wanting to go to Alaska, where her Aunt Jen lives, and I hope that she will someday have that opportunity.

We are living somewhere in the middle of our families, which can be really cool, but there are times I wish we had family nearby. I moved away from my family when I was 18, 3 days after graduating from high school, and I haven't lived near them since. There are times I fantasize about being close enough to get together with my siblings on a whim, or having Sunday dinners together, but it's not my reality. In Logan we lived close enough to Steve's parents to visit on long weekends and we spent every holiday with them, so not having that now is hard. We're adapting to our new situation.

I'd love to hear from both sides: living near family and living away. I can see the pros and cons to both, but as an adult, I've only had the experience of living away. Did you move closer to family once you had children? Did you have a family member move closer to you because they needed help?

Family provides that unconditional love no matter where they are and I am fortunate to have loving family members residing under the same roof, as well as spread across the country. We can't always be together when we want to be, but we know, without a doubt, that if we did need them, they'd show up and sometimes, it's so good to be needed.

And I Ran

Ok, maybe a 5K in a few weeks isn't totally absurd. I ran 2.34 miles today and felt like I could've kept going, but since I'm trying to get back into a routine of running, not just 1 great run, I made myself stop. I love this site: http://www.mapmyrun.com/my_home/ for motivating me, too.

One thing I love about running is that while I am running I think about little else but the actual run. For the time I'm pounding the pavement, my worries cease. I have a goal, I have to push myself, I can only focus on the next step. Running is my escape from my problems, but I like to think it is a healthy escape and it allows me to view my problems more reasonably when I do return to them.

I see from the poll that a few people have not run a 5K, but would like to. Yay! I'd love to start a support group, to motivate one another and perhaps develop a little 5K of our own to celebrate. I love the idea of readers from other places going out on the same day to run a 5K. 8 weeks from now would put us at the July 4th mark and what a great way to celebrate. If you think you want to do the running program from the last post, or whatever program you choose, and attempt a 5K, let me know!

*Today's photo is from a little jaunt we took yesterday. It is the one and only LDS Church in Jackson and at 4:00 in the afternoon there was not a car in the parking lot. Steve commented on this, because in Utah the churches are busy all day and into the evening on Sundays. Such variety in this country in which we live.

5K Fever

Yesterday our family did the Family Service and Children's Aid 5K. We competed in the family division, hoping to place, but instead we each placed in our age division for the walk, which was very cool. What I really loved was the fire lit under Soph as we neared the finish line, Steve and I couldn't keep up and she was the first Albee-Scott to cross!

There is another 5K coming up at the middle school, the day after my birthday. I am thinking of entering the running portion, but I feel nervous. I ran a 5K before we left Utah and loved it, but it was just for fun, no medals, no awards. Oh what the heck, I need to push myself a bit again and it goes to a good cause.

The running program I followed last year that absolutely worked (I followed it religiously!):

http://running.about.com/od/getstartedwithrunning/ht/getstarted.htm

Guess I better lace up and head out there!