41

A photo of Soph and me on my last day of being 40.  We were waiting for her voice teacher to arrive and we were being goofy and enjoying the beautiful day.

I turned 41 yesterday.  It feels great and one of my goals is to blog more, so may my life abound with pithy observations!

40

Today I am 40.  It feels really good and as I walked up and down our street tonight I realized part of that good feeling is because I appreciated so much of what I received today, rather than expected.  Buddhism teaches that when we cease expecting we have all things, but it is very hard to function with others and to look at ourselves without expectations.  We expect people to treat us a certain way and we expect ourselves to be at a certain place in our lives at given points.  The obvious outcome is disappointment but the other outcome is that we miss the truly wonderful things that are taking place - in our own lives and through our interactions with others, when we are only looking for the thing we expect.  I am very grateful for all the beauty I experienced today.

I expect 40 is going to be really good.

Bring Back the Librarians

Shortly after starting first grade, Sophie came home and declared she wanted to be a school librarian. The librarian at her school in Logan, Utah had made a wonderfully positive influence on our daughter by simply sharing her own love of books. It also helped that the teachers and other staff members of the school were constantly talking about the books they read, were reading and looked forward to reading. Books were obviously valued. For the next 4 years Sophie would visit her school library every week, sometimes more than once, and she would come home with books that ranged in subjects as great as Sophie's interests.

When we moved to Jackson, Michigan in 2006 I was a bit disappointed to realize Sophie's new school did not have an appointed librarian. It was and is a wonderful school and there are parents and staff members who volunteer to keep the library going, so children may still check out books. It takes a village. However, I still think it conveys a message to our children, and not a positive message, when schools do not have a school librarian. For those who need data, there is research to support the claim that students in schools with librarians perform better on tests which measure reading ability.

The reality is that schools have cut school librarian positions due to cuts in funding. This is a very, very sad reality and it is demonstrative of that which we value in our society. Cuts in other areas: school nurses, social workers, paraprofessionals, art teachers, also negatively affect our students. Some schools opt to keep nurses, some have kept librarians; much of the decisions are based on what the community deems important.

SO! Here's the good news... The superintendent of Jackson Public Schools does see the value in school librarians and is looking for ways to fund the return of school librarians, but of course he has just a few other things on his plate. If you are reading this and have any ideas of how to fund the return of librarians in the schools, please, please leave a comment or email me: heather.albeescott@gmail.com.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to see our libraries thriving again under the direction of persons whose own love of books is so contagious it affects our children?

A house without books is like a room without windows. No man has a right to bring up children without surrounding them with books.... Children learn to read being in the presence of books.
— Horace MANN

Would Jesus Be Insured?

Someone on Facebook posted a clip from the GOP Tea Party Debate, specifically Ron Paul's response to the question, "Who pays for the uninsured, when faced with health issues, in our country?" The person who posted it was concerned with the cheering that occurred when it was proposed that the congressman was saying the patient should just die. The cheering came from members of the audience, not the congressman himself, but his response did cause me to question something:

Ron Paul spoke of working in San Antonio (a city in which I lived, though only a year), and the fact that nearby churches often helped those in need. This seems like a great thing, but I wonder why it is that so many people who are willing to give money to their churches are unwilling to give money to help everyone in their country.

I understand that by giving to one's church, people feel they have a say in where their money is distributed. I also understand that the money goes toward pastors' salaries, church building upkeep, etc. I know that many churches house wonderful programs to benefit all members of their communities: free meals, shelters, clothing programs, meetings for those with addictions and more. These are great things.

What I don't understand is why the resistance to give to programs that can help all members of our society, regardless of religious affiliation? How can we not want all persons to receive health care? How can we not understand that not every person is born under equal circumstances? Ok, what I really find baffling (so please explain it to me) is having a belief in Jesus Christ as the savior, but feeling only certain people should be allowed access to adequate care. If Jesus lived today, he would probably be uninsured and told to stop being so darn lazy and spend less time philosophizing and more time actually working!

So go ahead and give to your church, choose where some of your money goes, but also give to your society so that all persons may be taken care of, because I'm pretty sure that's what the message of Jesus Christ was all about.

Free to Be??

On our drive to Colorado from Logan, Utah the A-S family listened to one of my favorite albums, (ok, we have the cd, but it will always be an album to me) "Free to Be You and Me." Many references have been made to this production and its influence upon our generation, because it reinforced for us, from an early age, that men and women are equal. Girls and boys could want and have dolls, women and men could drive taxis and Atalanta was no princess of the past, waiting in her tower to be rescued by some man, she was the master of her own destiny.

As we listened and sang along with the cd I thought about what would be added to a modern day version: Mommies Can Marry Mommies and Daddies Can Marry Daddies. Ah, wouldn't that be wonderful! Just as we learned as children that "maybe the problem is in trying to tell just what someone is by what she does well," our children could learn that there is no problem in marrying the person you love based on the person, not just their sex. Afterall, if Marlo Thomas and Alan Alda were right in their touted observations that there really are no differences between boys and girls, then why would a person's sex alone determine who they fall in love with? Wouldn't assuming that men should only marry women and women should only marry men actually negate the message of the soundtrack of our youth?

If there were a land in which we were all free to be you and me, wouldn't that include the freedom to marry the person we choose? Right now there is no freedom in this area, because freedom does not exist at all if only certain people can choose, while others cannot. Why, as a generation who embraced the message of equality between the sexes, are we not forcing the message of equality in marriage?

Next year will mark the 40 year anniversary of "Free to Be You and Me." It seems to be past time Marlo Thomas put out an added poem, to be read by Carol Channing, that tells the little girls and little boys that when they grow up, if they want to be happy, and "have all the days of your lives to seem sunny as summer weather," they should marry the person they love and allow the same for others!

Admit Inferiority

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0__9s3A2pcA

This clip about Finland's education system makes me wonder, again, why our education system in the United States is so lacking. Obviously there is a system that can be duplicated, a system that is doing things right, so why am I not hearing more about school districts in the U.S. following Finland's example?

Ah, yes, the citizens of Finland support the wonderful education system in their country, they are participants, they expect teachers to be professionals and they treat them as such. How are teachers commonly viewed in our own country?

If your child attends a public school in the United States, can you even imagine 3 teachers in their classroom as shown in Finland? A teacher designated to help struggling students? Amazing.

I pulled up this article to research Finland's school system a bit more: http://www.finland.fi/Public/default.aspx?contentid=162937&nodeid=41807&culture=en-US and what struck me is the time of day students get out, between 12 pm and 2 pm. They are not spending crazy, long hours at school in a formal learning environment. If you read the article, you will see the attendants are available at the playground after school, since most parents do work full-time. Children are still being children, playing, engaging, enthusiastic about the process of learning.

Is this Utopia? Obviously not, because it is happening, it is real, it can be done. Come on United States, admit you have a system that is severely lacking, throw up your hands, look to Finland and make our education system better for our children right now!

My brain is dead - I have no words to accurately convey my love for the movie Chocolat. I saw it when it first came out in the theaters and I remember leaving feeling completely inspired - and desiring really good chocolates.

Sophie watched it for the first time yesterday and we talked about the role an outsider can play in a community in which certain roles and rules are very clearly established. We didn't intend to be as nomadic as we've been, in fact, Steve didn't want his child to move around as much as he did as a kid, but that's how it goes and fortunately, Sophie has adopted a great attitude about it, saying, "I have friends in Utah and I have friends here!" (Friends in Texas and Ann Arbor, too!)

So here we are, outsiders in a community in which I was told one has to live 25 years before they can say they are "from" it. I've been an outsider before and I realize that, like the main character in Chocolat, I kind of like being the outsider, it gives one a lot of leeway. At this stage in my life though, I am tired of moving and setting up a new home, so I think we'll just have to be outsiders here for 24 years, then maybe we'll move on....

All That is Lost

I am totally sucked in by the series Lost, thanks to my brother-in-law, who let me watch the series finale...yep, that's how I rumble. I also glance ahead to the end when I read books and I do it because it feels good.

So, I'm watching the second season of Lost and it's all about this hatch thing that they have found on the island. If you don't know the premise of Lost, here it is: plane crashes on island, some 40+ people survive the crash and live on the island and bunches of odd things happen. Ok, so they find this hatch and in the hatch is this man who has been living there for 3 years, pushing "the button" every 108 minutes to prevent an explosion to the island, because he was told, quite convincingly, that is what would happen. After he is discovered, the computer crashes and doom prevails. But really, seriously, pushing a button ensures their survival? They aren't taking any risks, they quickly get the guy who fixes computers, already the masses believe. Only one man, the leader of the crash survivors, points out the nonsense of this practice and yet, even he can't resist pushing the button as the clock ticks down, mere seconds away from...well, from who knows what, because it doesn't happen (maybe it does in a later season, feel free to tell me if you know...).

Of course this made me think of religion - what doesn't - and the practices we do, just in case. Whenever I get on an airplane, even days before, I pray, pray and pray...and I look for signs. There was the one time the kid with the Book of Mormon stood up from his seat, looking very focused and I was certain he was leaving the plane after a premonition, so I got up, too. Uh no, he was just moving to another seat. On another flight I found comfort when the Jesuit student, who reminded me he was not a priest, was on my flight and seemed to be at ease. Better had he been a full-fledged priest, but I'll take what I can get.

At other times I've lit candles, chanted mantras, fingered the mala, and yes, even genuflected (much to my Catholic-raised husband's chagrin), because it can't hurt, right? Just like pressing that button every 108 minutes can't hurt. I mean, lack of sleep, paranoia, senseless fears...those are all better things than what could happen if you don't follow through! If you don't follow through you could burn...FOREVER!!! What's giving up a few minutes in this life to ensure, well, first to ensure more of this life, but also to ensure safety in the next life? Sign me up.

Here's the thing: if you didn't know about the button, didn't know about the praying and the fasting and the bowing to the east and what could happen if you didn't do those things, where would you be? What about those people who perform the rituals but still suffer...were they not performing them correctly or with as much oomph? Certainly performing the rituals does not insure we are safe from the boogie man, whatever that may be to you, because plane crashes do happen, with no survivors and the odds are that many people were praying.

Some people say they find peace in performing the rituals and I say there's nothing wrong with that, except when we attach so much to the performance that we stop using commonsense or when we look down upon others for not performing the rituals and miss the bigger picture - that they can still be really awesome human beings who've cracked the code and don't need the rituals. Some people have waited out the 108 minutes and found that life goes along about the same, that what makes sense is what is real.

So, what is up with these rituals? Do we perform the rituals because we really believe performing them gives us an in, or do we do it to give our lives purpose? I get the latter reason, but truth be told, I do it for the former reason. Yep, I would be pushing the button.

Random Fun

I have tried to write 2 previous posts, dealing with very heavy topics and then I decided my heart needs something light and fun, like what Steve, Sophie and I did yesterday:

We delivered popsicles to some wonderful young people working on a house in Parma, Michigan! A friend of mine from Facebook - a wonderful woman I've never met in person - told me her brother was in Jackson with a group, helping to restore buildings in the area. Jackson? My Jackson??! How very cool! I told the family about it and we decided we had to take them a treat to thank them for their hard work and so I could meet the brother of this person, since I have yet to meet her.

Meeting these kids refreshed my soul, because there they were, working on the house of a complete stranger, having spent money to travel to this location, just because. The group was super nice and it did my heart a ton of good to witness the generosity and goodness of other humans. Let's hope some of it rubs off :)

There is a lot of goodness in the world, in this world - a lot of great people, kind people, people who are making the world better for those they don't even know. Those young people yesterday were doing something obviously good for the owners of the houses receiving work, but they also did me a lot of good...so a huge thank you to them!

Doggie Update

My sister, who is a vet tech, emailed me and said not to be too concerned with the attachment Percy has to Winston. I'm choosing to take her advice and am reminded again that you really can find someone, somewhere, to side with you when it comes to parenting issues!

I did take Percy out by himself today though, because I can see how the dogs each need their special time (this is what parents of multiple human children do too, right?). Who was crying when I took Percy...Winston! Percy was perfectly happy, but Winston was distressed. I'm sure the tables will be turned when I take Winston for his time. Percy and I worked on some of his behavior and went for a short walk. When I returned Percy to the crew there was just way too much excitement and some dominance demonstrating from Winston. A few minutes later Winston was still too excited to sit, but Lucy and Percy were cuddled together. Earlier this morning I caught Percy and Winston cuddling - Winston with his head on Percy's back. There's a lot of love in that little trio.

So in my quest to take advice/criticism with a grain of salt, and to listen to my own intuition, I feel good about today's efforts. Percy, Winston and Lucy have their own funky relationships and instead of trying to fix them, I'm going to give them each some time away from the others, but also let them work things out on their own.

A Visit to the Vet

Friday we hauled all 4 of the furry animals (meaning not the snake and turtle) to the vet's. We had 3 separate appointments and we used them to ease the staff into meeting our lovable crew.

Jada, our kitty, was first and in typical Jada fashion, she acted very upset and inconvenienced about the whole thing. After receiving her vaccine she turned her body away from us and positioned herself so she was facing the wall. When we brought her home she ran off and wouldn't grace us with her presence until she determined we were forgiven. Jada was easiest only because she's the lightest of the animals, but her attitude stinks.

Next was Lucy, who couldn't have made us prouder! She sat when offered a treat and took her vaccines and blood draw like a champ. I often describe Lucy as stubborn and unpredictable, but yesterday she was compliant and gentle. We did talk with the veterinarian and vet tech about Lucy's behavior around small children, which makes us nervous, because it looks like she wants to take them down. We were assured that this is normal behavior for a dog. Small children often know no boundaries and to a dog, that is very discomforting. It also seems that all that hugging I love to do with Lucy might not be her favorite thing in the world. WHAT?! The two humans in my family are not big huggers, now this? I'm going to go ahead and order that inflatable doll.

We saved the beasts, I mean best, for last. Percy and Winston were warmly greeted by another pet owner in the waiting room who commented on their dignified names. Oh yeah, my boys are dignified, so dignified that the garbage can had to be removed from the exam room because they couldn't get their faces out of it! Winston got his blood drawn and took his vaccines ok once we removed him from the same room as Percy, but the emphasis is on "ok." Winston, don't you know I tell everyone that you are the good dog?

Here comes the tough part, Percy. We suspected Percy had some vision loss and we were told by his vet in Utah that it was probably so, based on his behavior. This vet expanded on that and talked about Percy's attachment to Winston and his inappropriate behavior around other dogs. Percy does not look away when another dog makes eye contact, instead he stares straight ahead, because he can't help it. It seems Percy was born with the vision problem, but we have exacerbated things by keeping him so close to Winston. I felt like the bad parent, oh the shame...but wait, didn't they see how great Lucy was? Oh yeah, we got Lucy when she was 2 years old, the boys we've had from day 1, so there is nobody else to blame for their issues. We always found the boys' togetherness endearing, but it seems it might also be problematic.

I am not one to take criticism well and to me this was criticism. I take it very personally and can dwell on it for a very, very long time. However, I am trying to be a stronger person (trying, trying, trying) and see that one negative assessment does not mean I suck completely as a person (this is what I generally think). I am also learning that dwelling on the problem doesn't solve the problem, but this is tough when you are obsessive and prone to ruminating. Also, I took this criticism and applied it to my parenting skills of my human child and man, did that cause a downer. So I did what works for me and watched Kramer vs. Kramer, laughing at the scene in which Dustin Hoffman's character says, "I hate you, too" to his child after a spat over ice cream. Later in the film, in the courtroom, battling for custody, Hoffman points out that he's not perfect, but he's been a constant in his son's life. If you are present as a parent, you make mistakes, but if you keep showing up with good intentions, I think that fact overrides the damage you've done. We've got some work cut out for us, but we're present, we show up and that right there is half the battle.

Observations from MI to PA

Sophie and I headed to PA last week to see my family. Steve stayed behind with the dogs, cat, turtle, snake and work for his online course. Driving the whole 560 miles myself had me concerned, but I did it and I actually liked it!

Some observations I made while on our trip:

• Fangboner is a very odd name for a road.
  
• The rest stops in Pennsylvania have gotten a lot better and I knew I was "home" when I saw those Tastykakes on display at one of the stops.
  
• I'm glad I calculated enough cash for the toll roads - and why are the tolls so high in Pennsylvania?
• Being with family can be tricky. Sometimes there is drama, unpleasant history, unmet expectations and favoritism, but I am happy to say I felt none of that this time around. Maybe it's because we're all getting older and more mature and realizing that life's far too short to gripe and groan and it really doesn't do much good anyway.
  
• Having late night conversations with my sisters is an experience that can be topped by few others. Add the sugar cookies and peanut butter pie and it moves even further up the ladder.
• It's very cool to have a family member, who is not related by blood, take an interest in your child's interests. Sophie had a great time visiting local graveyards with her uncle and cousins - yes, my daughter loves graveyards and scary folklore and validation that it is cool from her uncle made her feel very special.
• It can still be odd to realize that your siblings - the ones who basically tortured you growing up (and nope, I never took part in the torturing aspect), are parents. We are all very different in many ways, which means we parent differently, and yet we all have very kind and interesting children. It reassures me that there is not just one way to successfully parent a child.
  
• The Book Barn in Chester County, PA is the coolest bookstore I have ever been to. If you visit, be sure to ask to see Bird, the residing dog. He is absolutely adorable.
• My former high school has been completely renovated and looks to be about 4 times the size it once was. The middle school looks exactly the same.
  
• Spending Father's Day with my dad, something I have not done in far too long, was very special. I love that he wanted to go to Pat's Pizzeria - we are not a family of high-falutin' tastes and fancy desires. Togetherness is the key element.
• For you Robin - I still find the fascination with Breyer Horses baffling and seeing them all lined up did cause me just a wee bit of angst. I was wishing there was a door nearby I could slam, just to see what would happen :)
  
• I was nearing the tolls exiting PA, getting ready to pay the huge fee and the GPS unit told me to go left, so I did and I bypassed the tolls. I left Pennsylvania without paying a dime. Should I be concerned? I asked the toll booth operator about it in Ohio and she kindly reminded me that she does not work for the state of Pennsylvania and didn't know anything about it. Oh.
• Coming home - to a place you still don't quite consider your home (we've now lived in Jackson 10 months...), is nice. Having your husband beaming and yes, a sparkling bathroom, is REALLY nice. Right now I am counting my blessings.
  

Meeting Expectations

I thought my fascination with Mormonism had left, but it appears it was just lying dormant, waiting to be renewed by the sprinklings of a good chat with a friend from Utah (thanks Annette!). We were talking about the documentary, Sons of Perdition, which is "the story of polygamy's exiled youth." http://sonsofperditionthemovie.com/Sons_of_Perdition_Home.html I haven't seen the film, but our conversation and a viewing of the trailer for the film really got me thinking.

The trailer gives a very dark impression of the life of restriction and obedience the boys were forced to live on the compound, before their brave escape. They were withheld from the larger world, presumably to keep them from questioning the authorities in their own community. There is a scene in which 2 boys are in a Catholic Church and one asks the other (I'm paraphrasing), "Catholics believe in Jesus?" This depicts the sheltered existence they led, but this is not unique to just kids from a polygamist compound. Many kids are raised well-versed in the beliefs of their parents (religious and otherwise), but not knowledgeable in the ways of others. Part of why we do this is because it is what we know, but there is also that part that doesn't want to expose our child to the other ways of the world, thinking that by shielding them, we are somehow eliminating those ways as options.

I started thinking about this in regard to boys in mainstream Mormon society and the 2-year mission. As a person who lived in Utah for 12 years, I definitely saw the advantage given to those men who served their missions. I also saw how boys, from a very young age, were raised to assume they would go on a mission. In Utah this appears easy to do - such a high proportion of boys go on a mission that Sophie was prompted to ask Steve where he served his mission after living in Utah only a few months (Steve's response was that THIS was his mission, our life in Utah...take that as you will). It's nearly such a given that a boy will serve a mission at the age of 19 that it leads me to wonder, what alternatives are given to boys who opt not to serve a mission? Do parents even talk about that while their sons are growing up? Is there any ostracizing of those boys who do not serve missions?

I'm not sending this out to invite attack of this practice - many religions have rites of passage members are expected to meet. I'm interested in how this practice is viewed by my friends who have experienced it. I also realize that as parents we often lay out only one path we expect our child to follow - we do this because we see it as the best path for them. We worry that by even entertaining alternatives, we are giving our children permission to stray from the path, but should that be our fear? Or should we fear that our children will follow the path, out of a sense of obligation and perhaps risk lying to themselves along the way.

From a Minority's Perspective

A local high school has started (finally, in my opinion) a Gay-Straight Alliance chapter and it appears to have caused a bit of a stir. I really don't understand the opposition to a group of students getting together, gay and straight, to support one another. As it was stated in the newspaper, The Citizen Patriot, the "GSA groups offer students a safe place to talk, provide teens with resources and information that can help them make better decisions, and make a statement to the rest of the school community that LGBT students are valued as much as any other student." Sounds good to me.

To those opposed, please understand that the reality is that students who are gay are part of a minority and minorities need to be protected. I recently read a blurb in a national magazine that stated there are far fewer people who are gay in our country than most people think. Some people put the estimate at 25%, but those Americans who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender is really at 3.8%.

Of course there is the argument that being gay is a choice. Oy. Another book has been published in 2011, Gay, Straight and the Reason Why, by Simon LeVay, that evaluates research showing the biological differences between people who are heterosexual and people who are homosexual. I think it's been made pretty clear that one does not choose their sexuality. One's sexuality is comparable to one's race - and schools have chapters celebrating racial differences: Latinos in Action, Black Student Union, Asian Student Association, which offer students the opportunity to spread awareness and understanding, while receiving support from their peers.

One parent is quoted in the paper as saying about the GSA, "They shouldn’t get to push it down other students’ necks," but isn't heterosexuality pushed down their necks all the time? As my friend, Tom McMillen-Oakley, wrote in his response to the article, "I would like to point out to the student (wanting to start a heterosexual group) that they already have many opportunities and venues for support, an option not always enjoyed by LGBT youth." Again, I compare it to race. We have months designated to the historical efforts of minority racial groups, because the majority of the time is spent learning about the efforts of the white people in our country.

I often tell people that one reason I am so glad to have lived in Utah (aside from its beauty) is that it gave me the chance to be a minority. I remember leaving a job interview after being told that I would not be hired because I was not part of the majority. I was angry - not because I didn't get the job, but because this person felt he had the right to make me feel less than I was, since he had the support of the majority. It's a pretty comfortable place to be - surrounded by those of like mind, reinforcing the belief that your way of life is normal and everyone else is wrong. I suggest if you are in that position, you branch out of your comfort zone a wee bit.

I do not know what it is like to be gay and I am pretty sure I inadvertently perpetuate the idea that heterosexuality is normal. It does me good to hear of groups such as the GSA, to help me realize that there is a need to accept and protect others. I love that my daughter can attend a high school that has a group educating everyone that homosexuality is normal. The more exposure we get to that fact, the better off we will all be and perhaps one day there won't be a need for a GSA, but until that time I say rock on enlightened students of Columbia High School!

If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say...

I'm reading the book, The Four Agreements (thank you Leah!). The four agreements are:

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word.
2. Don't Take Anything Personally.
3. Don't Make Assumptions.
4. Always Do Your Best.

I'm only on #2 in the book, but really, as stated in the book, if you can follow #1, you will find a world of difference.

Oh, how hard it is to follow #1! Why is it so hard for humans to refrain from gossip, hurtful words and hateful language?

Summer Fun on the Cheap

I have decided that this summer will be the summer without camp. I'm straining my brain right now to remember if Soph took part in a camp every summer in Logan and I think she did not. Last year was definitely the camp to remember, Harry Potter Camp, and if we were in Logan right now she would definitely be doing that one again. She also did an excellent camp in Texas, Creepy Crawlies, in which the instructor brought dead animal parts for the scavenger hunt (not to perpetuate any Texas stereotypes, but roadkill seems to be huge out there...).

We were going to sign Soph up for a camp at the local nature center, but when she seemed less than enthusiastic about it, possibly due to the 8:30 a.m. start time, I decided to skip it. I'll take Soph to the nature center and peruse some web sites for cool crafts we can do. We'll invite friends over for unstructured fun. We'll hit the lakes when it's super hot. We'll try to save some money by not signing up for camp.

What's everyone else doing with their kids this summer? Do both parents work? Is one home, but still looking for something to keep the kids occupied? I'm all for summer camp and Soph has always loved it, but this year we're going to skip it and just go with the unstructured flow.

My Favorite Things

Walking around, and outside, my house this morning, I stumbled upon a few of my favorite things:

1) I just received these flowers for my birthday yesterday. I absolutely love flowers! I am horrible at maintaining them, so I will appreciate these while they last. The best thing about them was the enthusiasm in which they were given.

2) Sophie's daisy boots! She wanted a different pair of boots, but they didn't have them in her size so she settled for these. I love them! Daisies are my favorite flower and to me, rain boots just signify a good time splashing in puddles, wading in water, getting messy!

3) This is a batik Sophie did in an art class with my good friend, Brooke (also responsible for favorite thing #4). Sophie loves snakes and many of her pictures have snakes in them. This piece won Honorable Mention in an art show in Utah as well.

4) Brooke (see #3), made this doll and it's just lovely. Handmade things are the best!

What are some of your favorite things in your home?

Birthday Observations of the Pithy Variety (but not by me...)

Please take a moment (as a birthday gift to me!) to read this bit from the play, "Our Town," by Thornton Wilder, in which Emily has died, but is allowed to return to revisit one day from her life and she chooses her 12th birthday:

Emily: Oh, Mama, look at me one minute as though you really saw me. Mama, fourteen years have gone by. I'm dead. You're a grandmother, Mama! Wally's dead, too. His appendix burst on a camping trip to North Conway. We felt just terrible about it - don't you remember? But, just for a moment now we're all together. Mama, just for a moment we're happy. Let's really look at one another!...I can't. I can't go on.It goes so fast. We don't have time to look at one another. I didn't realize. So all that was going on and we never noticed. Take me back -- up the hill -- to my grave. But first: Wait! One more look. Good-bye , Good-bye world. Good-bye, Grover's Corners....Mama and Papa. Good-bye to clocks ticking....and Mama's sunflowers. And food and coffee. And new ironed dresses and hot baths....and sleeping and waking up. Oh, earth,you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you. Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every,every minute?

Stage Manager: No. (pause) The saints and poets, maybe they do some.

Emily: I'm ready to go back.


For my birthday I wish to live more like the saints and poets and less like the frenzied folk.

Running to Stand Still

I asked my little sister, Valerie, to write a piece for my blog and what she wrote is wonderful. It is about running, but also about so much more - namely, putting ourselves at the top of that priority list we all maintain. Many of us would never think of not fulfilling a commitment to someone else, but we find it all too easy to not fulfill the obligations we have with our own best interests...


“And so she woke up
Woke up from where she was lyin’ still.
Said I gotta do something
About where we’re goin’.

Step on a fast train
Step out of the driving rain, maybe
Run from the darkness in the night.
Singing ah, ah la la la de day
Ah la la la de day….

She’s running to stand still…”

I have an addiction, obsession, whatever you want to call it, love for running. I have not been running long, not years, not months; 3 weeks and 2 days to be exact. Can you become addicted to something so quickly and is it the running I am addicted to or something else?

My running journey started one year ago, when I left the YMCA. I left because my 3rd child, who was 18 months old at the time, hated the babysitting there and I was paying too much for my twice monthly visits. I left with the hope that I would exercise at home, take walks around the block with my children and dogs, turn on an exercise DVD, or clean a little more, that’s exercise, right? I need exercise, it’s good for me, gets that heart pumping, keeps that blood sugar in range (important for an insulin dependent diabetic), possibly extend my quality and quantity of life. I kept telling myself these things, yet the right exercise was nowhere to be found. I will admit, I am a bit picky.

Finally, I found it. I read a post from Heather regarding the running program she had used when she started running. It seemed rather simple: walk for 6 minutes, jog for 1, repeat 3 times, do 3 sessions in 1 week and follow plans for the next 7 weeks, gradually increasing running time. I really didn’t look past week 2; did I think I wouldn’t last that long or did I refuse to see that eventually you would be running more than walking? I had a new goal, I was going to run and work toward a 5K. Only problem was, it was mid January, too late for a New Year’s resolution and too darn cold for me to drag myself out of the warm covers.

Good news. A friend of mine found a gym that I could join with her for three months and pay sixty dollars. I did the math, twenty dollars a month, if I go five times a month, that’s four dollars a workout or better yet, ten times at two dollars, I could do that. By the time the membership was up it would be May, perfect weather to start running. I signed on the dotted line on a Saturday, by Monday the place was closed due to not paying rent. I took this as a sign, possibly, some higher being really did not want me to exercise (I know, that thought seems really silly, but the excuses I will come up with). I stored my brand new shoes in the closet.

Time passed, I decided to not listen to the higher being and begin working out at home. I received Zumba for the Wii at Christmas time. It was time to give it a try. I shook my hips, got in the groove and worked up a sweat. I figured I could wake up early and do this, or, Zumba while my two year old napped. It all went sour when my six year old decided it was fun to wake up early and watch mom do Zumba. I really did not want an audience and there was no reasoning with my son. He would sit at the top of the steps and repeatedly ask, “Are you done, how much longer?” “Can I try the Zumba belt?” Ugh, this workout was exhausting and not in a good way. I had to think of a new plan. What is this, plan C,D,E? I don’t know, I lost track.

I decided to go ahead and begin the running program on Sunday, March 13th, the start of Daylight Savings Time. I must inform you; I am not a morning person and love my sleep. You guessed it, I slept right through that alarm. Fine, I decided to push back the date to March 20th. Give my body time to acclimate to DST and, spring starts in the evening, how appropriate to spend time outside. That day came and went and still no motivational talks were enough. April first, no fooling, it’s a Friday, but who said I had to start on a Sunday. Unfortunately, I slept in and missed my run time, again.

This was getting serious. Why wasn’t I doing this? The benefits are bountiful - better health, more energy to play with the kids, etc., but I kept thinking - instead of running, I could be folding laundry, picking up around the house, writing sweet notes for my kids to find in their lunches. When did this happen, that I dropped so low on the ladder, there was no time for myself? I know I should make time, I told my neighbors and friends that they should make time for themselves and it would have a positive effect in many areas of their lives, yet I could not do it for myself. I came up with excuses, I need more time, more money, the kids need me, my husband needs me, you name it, I used it. That was it, no more excuses, I need this. My kids, my husband, my dogs may not need this, but I do. I need to do this for myself and for no one else.

April 30th, I reread the program, walk 6, jog one, repeat three times. I dust off the sneakers, charge the iPod and attach the earplugs. I am ready for tomorrow, Sunday, May 1st, run day. I am awake for the eleven o’clock news that evening (which is unusual, I am usually far into dreamland by that time) where I see a story on two people in their seventies, who have been running for at least thirty years. The one has even survived cancer and continues to run. After that, I know I have no acceptable excuses. I will wake up early the next morning and make that day one of my 8 week program.

To keep myself motivated, I decide to email my progress to a friend. It doesn’t have to be a long, detailed email; it can be short and sweet, just letting her know I did it today. The responses from my friend keep me going, they are positive replies, the kind a paid, personal trainer might give you. But this is better, it is love and encouragement from someone who knows me.

Each day I walk/run, I feel better, not just physically but emotionally. Thirty minutes, four times a week I am with me and only me. I have uninterrupted thoughts, I listen to the sound of my feet hitting the pavement, the quick beats of my heart and the feel of my abdominal muscles keeping me upright. I imagine I am a horse running gracefully, no race and thankfully, no jockey on my back. I love it, I love myself and yes, this selfishness is making me a better person all around. Every day I run, I run away from home, for a little bit, but I always return feeling refreshed and better about myself. I have taken the time to meet my needs. These runs give me time to remind myself of all the good things I have. I don’t think about the negative or all that I have to do or should be doing. I am so focused on the good, it’s what keeps me going and makes it so addicting. I am proud of my body and feel fortunate to have this complex, functioning machine, I do not want to take it for granted.

Today, driving my daughter to school, she says, “Mom, tomorrow, wake me up at six, I want to run with you.” I practically have a heart attack. That time, is my time, I refuse to share it, is it really too much to ask for thirty minutes all to myself? Realizing, her school is one mile away and there is no time for a lengthy explanation, I calmly reply, “Oh no, you never wake a sleeping child. Sleep is very important at your age. It helps your body and your brain to grow. We can run together in the evening.” She buys it for now and I keep the me time written in ink on my calendar.

Addicted to running? I don’t know, I think I may be addicted to the me time. I love being with my thoughts and knowing I am taking care of myself in more ways than one, it’s multitasking, something we are all trying to succeed at. Another bonus, I love nature and I get to enjoy it at its best, early in the morning, when my small town is peaceful, yet bustling with wildlife. So, if you try to reach me through text, email or phone between 6 and 7am, I’m busy, I have a date with me.

“Walk out, into the sunburst street
Sing your heart out, sing my heart out
I’ve found grace inside a sound
I found grace, it’s all that I found
And I can breathe…”
U2

Is It Still a Faux Pas if You Really Don't Know Better?

A few evenings ago Steve and I were enjoying our daughter's lovely orchestra concert. Before the performance, it was announced that all audience members should silence their phones and pagers. Steve and I both left our phones at home, so we were good. (We also left the camera at home, so no chance of committing the flash photography faux pas either...but we committed the parental faux pas of not taking any photos of our child's last 5th grade strings performance. You can't win.)

We had been sitting near the aisle, but a family of 4 came in late, so we scooted in, with me sighing about being so inconvenienced! (How self-centered am I?) About midway through the concert, just before a piece was to be performed, one of the family member's phones went off, loudly. Faux pas number 1. This person then went ahead and answered their phone. Faux pas number 2. This person then had a conversation. Faux pas number 3. I didn't move, like a deer in the headlights, I was stunned, and then torn. Since I was sitting rather close to this person, I could tell, from a few factors, that this person was not being a jerk, not being rude on purpose, not trying to let the world know that their time and conversation was more important than anyone else's time and efforts. This person was sweetly ignorant of our 21st century rules of etiquette. They did not take a phone call during our children's performance out of an elitist, entitled arrogance that surpasses an awareness of others. This person just did not know better.

Now, most people in our world today do know better. If you know better, please do not carry on a loud and personal conversation next to me on a city bus. Don't drive your car while talking, nearly swerving into my car because you cannot multitask. Don't glance at your phone every ten minutes while we are having dinner (glancing once might be ok, especially if you have small children and you're worried the babysitter is calling...). Do realize that sometimes, just sometimes, a person commits a faux pas out of ignorance, not out of rudeness and there is really no need for your comments and remarks, which are like the loud sshhhhhes of children in a classroom - louder than the chatty offenders. I am guilty of both offenses - the cell phone faux pas and the remarks, but that night, I learned my lesson. Don't assume.