A Pithy Observation

Bring Back the Librarians

2011-10-04T05:19:00.000-07:00

Shortly after starting first grade, Sophie came home and declared she wanted to be a school librarian. The librarian at her school in Logan, Utah had made a wonderfully positive influence on our daughter by simply sharing her own love of books. It also helped that the teachers and other staff members of the school were constantly talking about the books they read, were reading and looked forward to reading. Books were obviously valued. For the next 4 years Sophie would visit her school library every week, sometimes more than once, and she would come home with books that ranged in subjects as great as Sophie's interests.

When we moved to Jackson, Michigan in 2006 I was a bit disappointed to realize Sophie's new school did not have an appointed librarian. It was and is a wonderful school and there are parents and staff members who volunteer to keep the library going, so children may still check out books. It takes a village. However, I still think it conveys a message to our children, and not a positive message, when schools do not have a school librarian. For those who need data, there is research to support the claim that students in schools with librarians perform better on tests which measure reading ability.

The reality is that schools have cut school librarian positions due to cuts in funding. This is a very, very sad reality and it is demonstrative of that which we value in our society. Cuts in other areas: school nurses, social workers, paraprofessionals, art teachers, also negatively affect our students. Some schools opt to keep nurses, some have kept librarians; much of the decisions are based on what the community deems important.

SO! Here's the good news... The superintendent of Jackson Public Schools does see the value in school librarians and is looking for ways to fund the return of school librarians, but of course he has just a few other things on his plate. If you are reading this and have any ideas of how to fund the return of librarians in the schools, please, please leave a comment or email me: heather.albeescott@gmail.com.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to see our libraries thriving again under the direction of persons whose own love of books is so contagious it affects our children?

A house without books is like a room without windows. No man has a right to bring up children without surrounding them with books.... Children learn to read being in the presence of books.
— Horace MANN

Would Jesus Be Insured?

2011-09-13T05:14:00.000-07:00

Someone on Facebook posted a clip from the GOP Tea Party Debate, specifically Ron Paul's response to the question, "Who pays for the uninsured, when faced with health issues, in our country?" The person who posted it was concerned with the cheering that occurred when it was proposed that the congressman was saying the patient should just die. The cheering came from members of the audience, not the congressman himself, but his response did cause me to question something:

Ron Paul spoke of working in San Antonio (a city in which I lived, though only a year), and the fact that nearby churches often helped those in need. This seems like a great thing, but I wonder why it is that so many people who are willing to give money to their churches are unwilling to give money to help everyone in their country.

I understand that by giving to one's church, people feel they have a say in where their money is distributed. I also understand that the money goes toward pastors' salaries, church building upkeep, etc. I know that many churches house wonderful programs to benefit all members of their communities: free meals, shelters, clothing programs, meetings for those with addictions and more. These are great things.

What I don't understand is why the resistance to give to programs that can help all members of our society, regardless of religious affiliation? How can we not want all persons to receive health care? How can we not understand that not every person is born under equal circumstances? Ok, what I really find baffling (so please explain it to me) is having a belief in Jesus Christ as the savior, but feeling only certain people should be allowed access to adequate care. If Jesus lived today, he would probably be uninsured and told to stop being so darn lazy and spend less time philosophizing and more time actually working!

So go ahead and give to your church, choose where some of your money goes, but also give to your society so that all persons may be taken care of, because I'm pretty sure that's what the message of Jesus Christ was all about.

Free to Be??

2011-08-06T07:18:00.000-07:00

On our drive to Colorado from Logan, Utah the A-S family listened to one of my favorite albums, (ok, we have the cd, but it will always be an album to me) "Free to Be You and Me." Many references have been made to this production and its influence upon our generation, because it reinforced for us, from an early age, that men and women are equal. Girls and boys could want and have dolls, women and men could drive taxis and Atalanta was no princess of the past, waiting in her tower to be rescued by some man, she was the master of her own destiny.

As we listened and sang along with the cd I thought about what would be added to a modern day version: Mommies Can Marry Mommies and Daddies Can Marry Daddies. Ah, wouldn't that be wonderful! Just as we learned as children that "maybe the problem is in trying to tell just what someone is by what she does well," our children could learn that there is no problem in marrying the person you love based on the person, not just their sex. Afterall, if Marlo Thomas and Alan Alda were right in their touted observations that there really are no differences between boys and girls, then why would a person's sex alone determine who they fall in love with? Wouldn't assuming that men should only marry women and women should only marry men actually negate the message of the soundtrack of our youth?

If there were a land in which we were all free to be you and me, wouldn't that include the freedom to marry the person we choose? Right now there is no freedom in this area, because freedom does not exist at all if only certain people can choose, while others cannot. Why, as a generation who embraced the message of equality between the sexes, are we not forcing the message of equality in marriage?

Next year will mark the 40 year anniversary of "Free to Be You and Me." It seems to be past time Marlo Thomas put out an added poem, to be read by Carol Channing, that tells the little girls and little boys that when they grow up, if they want to be happy, and "have all the days of your lives to seem sunny as summer weather," they should marry the person they love and allow the same for others!

Admit Inferiority

2011-07-12T08:02:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0__9s3A2pcA

This clip about Finland's education system makes me wonder, again, why our education system in the United States is so lacking. Obviously there is a system that can be duplicated, a system that is doing things right, so why am I not hearing more about school districts in the U.S. following Finland's example?

Ah, yes, the citizens of Finland support the wonderful education system in their country, they are participants, they expect teachers to be professionals and they treat them as such. How are teachers commonly viewed in our own country?

If your child attends a public school in the United States, can you even imagine 3 teachers in their classroom as shown in Finland? A teacher designated to help struggling students? Amazing.

I pulled up this article to research Finland's school system a bit more: http://www.finland.fi/Public/default.aspx?contentid=162937&nodeid=41807&culture=en-US and what struck me is the time of day students get out, between 12 pm and 2 pm. They are not spending crazy, long hours at school in a formal learning environment. If you read the article, you will see the attendants are available at the playground after school, since most parents do work full-time. Children are still being children, playing, engaging, enthusiastic about the process of learning.

Is this Utopia? Obviously not, because it is happening, it is real, it can be done. Come on United States, admit you have a system that is severely lacking, throw up your hands, look to Finland and make our education system better for our children right now!

2011-07-09T06:44:00.000-07:00

My brain is dead - I have no words to accurately convey my love for the movie Chocolat. I saw it when it first came out in the theaters and I remember leaving feeling completely inspired - and desiring really good chocolates.

Sophie watched it for the first time yesterday and we talked about the role an outsider can play in a community in which certain roles and rules are very clearly established. We didn't intend to be as nomadic as we've been, in fact, Steve didn't want his child to move around as much as he did as a kid, but that's how it goes and fortunately, Sophie has adopted a great attitude about it, saying, "I have friends in Utah and I have friends here!" (Friends in Texas and Ann Arbor, too!)

So here we are, outsiders in a community in which I was told one has to live 25 years before they can say they are "from" it. I've been an outsider before and I realize that, like the main character in Chocolat, I kind of like being the outsider, it gives one a lot of leeway. At this stage in my life though, I am tired of moving and setting up a new home, so I think we'll just have to be outsiders here for 24 years, then maybe we'll move on....

All That is Lost

2011-07-02T16:45:00.000-07:00

I am totally sucked in by the series Lost, thanks to my brother-in-law, who let me watch the series finale...yep, that's how I rumble. I also glance ahead to the end when I read books and I do it because it feels good.

So, I'm watching the second season of Lost and it's all about this hatch thing that they have found on the island. If you don't know the premise of Lost, here it is: plane crashes on island, some 40+ people survive the crash and live on the island and bunches of odd things happen. Ok, so they find this hatch and in the hatch is this man who has been living there for 3 years, pushing "the button" every 108 minutes to prevent an explosion to the island, because he was told, quite convincingly, that is what would happen. After he is discovered, the computer crashes and doom prevails. But really, seriously, pushing a button ensures their survival? They aren't taking any risks, they quickly get the guy who fixes computers, already the masses believe. Only one man, the leader of the crash survivors, points out the nonsense of this practice and yet, even he can't resist pushing the button as the clock ticks down, mere seconds away from...well, from who knows what, because it doesn't happen (maybe it does in a later season, feel free to tell me if you know...).

Of course this made me think of religion - what doesn't - and the practices we do, just in case. Whenever I get on an airplane, even days before, I pray, pray and pray...and I look for signs. There was the one time the kid with the Book of Mormon stood up from his seat, looking very focused and I was certain he was leaving the plane after a premonition, so I got up, too. Uh no, he was just moving to another seat. On another flight I found comfort when the Jesuit student, who reminded me he was not a priest, was on my flight and seemed to be at ease. Better had he been a full-fledged priest, but I'll take what I can get.

At other times I've lit candles, chanted mantras, fingered the mala, and yes, even genuflected (much to my Catholic-raised husband's chagrin), because it can't hurt, right? Just like pressing that button every 108 minutes can't hurt. I mean, lack of sleep, paranoia, senseless fears...those are all better things than what could happen if you don't follow through! If you don't follow through you could burn...FOREVER!!! What's giving up a few minutes in this life to ensure, well, first to ensure more of this life, but also to ensure safety in the next life? Sign me up.

Here's the thing: if you didn't know about the button, didn't know about the praying and the fasting and the bowing to the east and what could happen if you didn't do those things, where would you be? What about those people who perform the rituals but still suffer...were they not performing them correctly or with as much oomph? Certainly performing the rituals does not insure we are safe from the boogie man, whatever that may be to you, because plane crashes do happen, with no survivors and the odds are that many people were praying.

Some people say they find peace in performing the rituals and I say there's nothing wrong with that, except when we attach so much to the performance that we stop using commonsense or when we look down upon others for not performing the rituals and miss the bigger picture - that they can still be really awesome human beings who've cracked the code and don't need the rituals. Some people have waited out the 108 minutes and found that life goes along about the same, that what makes sense is what is real.

So, what is up with these rituals? Do we perform the rituals because we really believe performing them gives us an in, or do we do it to give our lives purpose? I get the latter reason, but truth be told, I do it for the former reason. Yep, I would be pushing the button.

Random Fun

2011-07-01T07:36:00.000-07:00

I have tried to write 2 previous posts, dealing with very heavy topics and then I decided my heart needs something light and fun, like what Steve, Sophie and I did yesterday:

We delivered popsicles to some wonderful young people working on a house in Parma, Michigan! A friend of mine from Facebook - a wonderful woman I've never met in person - told me her brother was in Jackson with a group, helping to restore buildings in the area. Jackson? My Jackson??! How very cool! I told the family about it and we decided we had to take them a treat to thank them for their hard work and so I could meet the brother of this person, since I have yet to meet her.

Meeting these kids refreshed my soul, because there they were, working on the house of a complete stranger, having spent money to travel to this location, just because. The group was super nice and it did my heart a ton of good to witness the generosity and goodness of other humans. Let's hope some of it rubs off :)

There is a lot of goodness in the world, in this world - a lot of great people, kind people, people who are making the world better for those they don't even know. Those young people yesterday were doing something obviously good for the owners of the houses receiving work, but they also did me a lot of good...so a huge thank you to them!

Doggie Update

2011-06-27T08:59:00.000-07:00

My sister, who is a vet tech, emailed me and said not to be too concerned with the attachment Percy has to Winston. I'm choosing to take her advice and am reminded again that you really can find someone, somewhere, to side with you when it comes to parenting issues!

I did take Percy out by himself today though, because I can see how the dogs each need their special time (this is what parents of multiple human children do too, right?). Who was crying when I took Percy...Winston! Percy was perfectly happy, but Winston was distressed. I'm sure the tables will be turned when I take Winston for his time. Percy and I worked on some of his behavior and went for a short walk. When I returned Percy to the crew there was just way too much excitement and some dominance demonstrating from Winston. A few minutes later Winston was still too excited to sit, but Lucy and Percy were cuddled together. Earlier this morning I caught Percy and Winston cuddling - Winston with his head on Percy's back. There's a lot of love in that little trio.

So in my quest to take advice/criticism with a grain of salt, and to listen to my own intuition, I feel good about today's efforts. Percy, Winston and Lucy have their own funky relationships and instead of trying to fix them, I'm going to give them each some time away from the others, but also let them work things out on their own.

A Visit to the Vet

2011-06-25T05:51:00.000-07:00

Friday we hauled all 4 of the furry animals (meaning not the snake and turtle) to the vet's. We had 3 separate appointments and we used them to ease the staff into meeting our lovable crew.

Jada, our kitty, was first and in typical Jada fashion, she acted very upset and inconvenienced about the whole thing. After receiving her vaccine she turned her body away from us and positioned herself so she was facing the wall. When we brought her home she ran off and wouldn't grace us with her presence until she determined we were forgiven. Jada was easiest only because she's the lightest of the animals, but her attitude stinks.

Next was Lucy, who couldn't have made us prouder! She sat when offered a treat and took her vaccines and blood draw like a champ. I often describe Lucy as stubborn and unpredictable, but yesterday she was compliant and gentle. We did talk with the veterinarian and vet tech about Lucy's behavior around small children, which makes us nervous, because it looks like she wants to take them down. We were assured that this is normal behavior for a dog. Small children often know no boundaries and to a dog, that is very discomforting. It also seems that all that hugging I love to do with Lucy might not be her favorite thing in the world. WHAT?! The two humans in my family are not big huggers, now this? I'm going to go ahead and order that inflatable doll.

We saved the beasts, I mean best, for last. Percy and Winston were warmly greeted by another pet owner in the waiting room who commented on their dignified names. Oh yeah, my boys are dignified, so dignified that the garbage can had to be removed from the exam room because they couldn't get their faces out of it! Winston got his blood drawn and took his vaccines ok once we removed him from the same room as Percy, but the emphasis is on "ok." Winston, don't you know I tell everyone that you are the good dog?

Here comes the tough part, Percy. We suspected Percy had some vision loss and we were told by his vet in Utah that it was probably so, based on his behavior. This vet expanded on that and talked about Percy's attachment to Winston and his inappropriate behavior around other dogs. Percy does not look away when another dog makes eye contact, instead he stares straight ahead, because he can't help it. It seems Percy was born with the vision problem, but we have exacerbated things by keeping him so close to Winston. I felt like the bad parent, oh the shame...but wait, didn't they see how great Lucy was? Oh yeah, we got Lucy when she was 2 years old, the boys we've had from day 1, so there is nobody else to blame for their issues. We always found the boys' togetherness endearing, but it seems it might also be problematic.

I am not one to take criticism well and to me this was criticism. I take it very personally and can dwell on it for a very, very long time. However, I am trying to be a stronger person (trying, trying, trying) and see that one negative assessment does not mean I suck completely as a person (this is what I generally think). I am also learning that dwelling on the problem doesn't solve the problem, but this is tough when you are obsessive and prone to ruminating. Also, I took this criticism and applied it to my parenting skills of my human child and man, did that cause a downer. So I did what works for me and watched Kramer vs. Kramer, laughing at the scene in which Dustin Hoffman's character says, "I hate you, too" to his child after a spat over ice cream. Later in the film, in the courtroom, battling for custody, Hoffman points out that he's not perfect, but he's been a constant in his son's life. If you are present as a parent, you make mistakes, but if you keep showing up with good intentions, I think that fact overrides the damage you've done. We've got some work cut out for us, but we're present, we show up and that right there is half the battle.

Observations from MI to PA

2011-06-21T06:49:00.001-07:00

Sophie and I headed to PA last week to see my family. Steve stayed behind with the dogs, cat, turtle, snake and work for his online course. Driving the whole 560 miles myself had me concerned, but I did it and I actually liked it!

Some observations I made while on our trip:

Fangboner is a very odd name for a road.
The rest stops in Pennsylvania have gotten a lot better and I knew I was "home" when I saw those Tastykakes on display at one of the stops.
I'm glad I calculated enough cash for the toll roads - and why are the tolls so high in Pennsylvania?
Being with family can be tricky. Sometimes there is drama, unpleasant history, unmet expectations and favoritism, but I am happy to say I felt none of that this time around. Maybe it's because we're all getting older and more mature and realizing that life's far too short to gripe and groan and it really doesn't do much good anyway.
Having late night conversations with my sisters is an experience that can be topped by few others. Add the sugar cookies and peanut butter pie and it moves even further up the ladder.
It's very cool to have a family member, who is not related by blood, take an interest in your child's interests. Sophie had a great time visiting local graveyards with her uncle and cousins - yes, my daughter loves graveyards and scary folklore and validation that it is cool from her uncle made her feel very special.
It can still be odd to realize that your siblings - the ones who basically tortured you growing up (and nope, I never took part in the torturing aspect), are parents. We are all very different in many ways, which means we parent differently, and yet we all have very kind and interesting children. It reassures me that there is not just one way to successfully parent a child.
The Book Barn in Chester County, PA is the coolest bookstore I have ever been to. If you visit, be sure to ask to see Bird, the residing dog. He is absolutely adorable.
My former high school has been completely renovated and looks to be about 4 times the size it once was. The middle school looks exactly the same.
Spending Father's Day with my dad, something I have not done in far too long, was very special. I love that he wanted to go to Pat's Pizzeria - we are not a family of high-falutin' tastes and fancy desires. Togetherness is the key element.
For you Robin - I still find the fascination with Breyer Horses baffling and seeing them all lined up did cause me just a wee bit of angst. I was wishing there was a door nearby I could slam, just to see what would happen :)
I was nearing the tolls exiting PA, getting ready to pay the huge fee and the GPS unit told me to go left, so I did and I bypassed the tolls. I left Pennsylvania without paying a dime. Should I be concerned? I asked the toll booth operator about it in Ohio and she kindly reminded me that she does not work for the state of Pennsylvania and didn't know anything about it. Oh.
Coming home - to a place you still don't quite consider your home (we've now lived in Jackson 10 months...), is nice. Having your husband beaming and yes, a sparkling bathroom, is REALLY nice. Right now I am counting my blessings.

Meeting Expectations

2011-06-14T08:01:00.000-07:00

I thought my fascination with Mormonism had left, but it appears it was just lying dormant, waiting to be renewed by the sprinklings of a good chat with a friend from Utah (thanks Annette!). We were talking about the documentary, Sons of Perdition, which is "the story of polygamy's exiled youth." http://sonsofperditionthemovie.com/Sons_of_Perdition_Home.html I haven't seen the film, but our conversation and a viewing of the trailer for the film really got me thinking.

The trailer gives a very dark impression of the life of restriction and obedience the boys were forced to live on the compound, before their brave escape. They were withheld from the larger world, presumably to keep them from questioning the authorities in their own community. There is a scene in which 2 boys are in a Catholic Church and one asks the other (I'm paraphrasing), "Catholics believe in Jesus?" This depicts the sheltered existence they led, but this is not unique to just kids from a polygamist compound. Many kids are raised well-versed in the beliefs of their parents (religious and otherwise), but not knowledgeable in the ways of others. Part of why we do this is because it is what we know, but there is also that part that doesn't want to expose our child to the other ways of the world, thinking that by shielding them, we are somehow eliminating those ways as options.

I started thinking about this in regard to boys in mainstream Mormon society and the 2-year mission. As a person who lived in Utah for 12 years, I definitely saw the advantage given to those men who served their missions. I also saw how boys, from a very young age, were raised to assume they would go on a mission. In Utah this appears easy to do - such a high proportion of boys go on a mission that Sophie was prompted to ask Steve where he served his mission after living in Utah only a few months (Steve's response was that THIS was his mission, our life in Utah...take that as you will). It's nearly such a given that a boy will serve a mission at the age of 19 that it leads me to wonder, what alternatives are given to boys who opt not to serve a mission? Do parents even talk about that while their sons are growing up? Is there any ostracizing of those boys who do not serve missions?

I'm not sending this out to invite attack of this practice - many religions have rites of passage members are expected to meet. I'm interested in how this practice is viewed by my friends who have experienced it. I also realize that as parents we often lay out only one path we expect our child to follow - we do this because we see it as the best path for them. We worry that by even entertaining alternatives, we are giving our children permission to stray from the path, but should that be our fear? Or should we fear that our children will follow the path, out of a sense of obligation and perhaps risk lying to themselves along the way.

From a Minority's Perspective

2011-06-10T04:20:00.000-07:00

A local high school has started (finally, in my opinion) a Gay-Straight Alliance chapter and it appears to have caused a bit of a stir. I really don't understand the opposition to a group of students getting together, gay and straight, to support one another. As it was stated in the newspaper, The Citizen Patriot, the "GSA groups offer students a safe place to talk, provide teens with resources and information that can help them make better decisions, and make a statement to the rest of the school community that LGBT students are valued as much as any other student." Sounds good to me.

To those opposed, please understand that the reality is that students who are gay are part of a minority and minorities need to be protected. I recently read a blurb in a national magazine that stated there are far fewer people who are gay in our country than most people think. Some people put the estimate at 25%, but those Americans who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender is really at 3.8%.

Of course there is the argument that being gay is a choice. Oy. Another book has been published in 2011, Gay, Straight and the Reason Why, by Simon LeVay, that evaluates research showing the biological differences between people who are heterosexual and people who are homosexual. I think it's been made pretty clear that one does not choose their sexuality. One's sexuality is comparable to one's race - and schools have chapters celebrating racial differences: Latinos in Action, Black Student Union, Asian Student Association, which offer students the opportunity to spread awareness and understanding, while receiving support from their peers.

One parent is quoted in the paper as saying about the GSA, "They shouldn’t get to push it down other students’ necks," but isn't heterosexuality pushed down their necks all the time? As my friend, Tom McMillen-Oakley, wrote in his response to the article, "I would like to point out to the student (wanting to start a heterosexual group) that they already have many opportunities and venues for support, an option not always enjoyed by LGBT youth." Again, I compare it to race. We have months designated to the historical efforts of minority racial groups, because the majority of the time is spent learning about the efforts of the white people in our country.

I often tell people that one reason I am so glad to have lived in Utah (aside from its beauty) is that it gave me the chance to be a minority. I remember leaving a job interview after being told that I would not be hired because I was not part of the majority. I was angry - not because I didn't get the job, but because this person felt he had the right to make me feel less than I was, since he had the support of the majority. It's a pretty comfortable place to be - surrounded by those of like mind, reinforcing the belief that your way of life is normal and everyone else is wrong. I suggest if you are in that position, you branch out of your comfort zone a wee bit.

I do not know what it is like to be gay and I am pretty sure I inadvertently perpetuate the idea that heterosexuality is normal. It does me good to hear of groups such as the GSA, to help me realize that there is a need to accept and protect others. I love that my daughter can attend a high school that has a group educating everyone that homosexuality is normal. The more exposure we get to that fact, the better off we will all be and perhaps one day there won't be a need for a GSA, but until that time I say rock on enlightened students of Columbia High School!

If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say...

2011-06-03T06:59:00.001-07:00

I'm reading the book, The Four Agreements (thank you Leah!). The four agreements are:

Be Impeccable With Your Word.
Don't Take Anything Personally.
Don't Make Assumptions.
Always Do Your Best.

I'm only on #2 in the book, but really, as stated in the book, if you can follow #1, you will find a world of difference.

Oh, how hard it is to follow #1! Why is it so hard for humans to refrain from gossip, hurtful words and hateful language?

Summer Fun on the Cheap

2011-05-28T14:08:00.000-07:00

I have decided that this summer will be the summer without camp. I'm straining my brain right now to remember if Soph took part in a camp every summer in Logan and I think she did not. Last year was definitely the camp to remember, Harry Potter Camp, and if we were in Logan right now she would definitely be doing that one again. She also did an excellent camp in Texas, Creepy Crawlies, in which the instructor brought dead animal parts for the scavenger hunt (not to perpetuate any Texas stereotypes, but roadkill seems to be huge out there...).

We were going to sign Soph up for a camp at the local nature center, but when she seemed less than enthusiastic about it, possibly due to the 8:30 a.m. start time, I decided to skip it. I'll take Soph to the nature center and peruse some web sites for cool crafts we can do. We'll invite friends over for unstructured fun. We'll hit the lakes when it's super hot. We'll try to save some money by not signing up for camp.

What's everyone else doing with their kids this summer? Do both parents work? Is one home, but still looking for something to keep the kids occupied? I'm all for summer camp and Soph has always loved it, but this year we're going to skip it and just go with the unstructured flow.

My Favorite Things

2011-05-21T05:13:00.001-07:00

Walking around, and outside, my house this morning, I stumbled upon a few of my favorite things:

1) I just received these flowers for my birthday yesterday. I absolutely love flowers! I am horrible at maintaining them, so I will appreciate these while they last. The best thing about them was the enthusiasm in which they were given.

2) Sophie's daisy boots! She wanted a different pair of boots, but they didn't have them in her size so she settled for these. I love them! Daisies are my favorite flower and to me, rain boots just signify a good time splashing in puddles, wading in water, getting messy!

3) This is a batik Sophie did in an art class with my good friend, Brooke (also responsible for favorite thing #4). Sophie loves snakes and many of her pictures have snakes in them. This piece won Honorable Mention in an art show in Utah as well.

4) Brooke (see #3), made this doll and it's just lovely. Handmade things are the best!

What are some of your favorite things in your home?

Birthday Observations of the Pithy Variety (but not by me...)

2011-05-20T03:39:00.000-07:00

Please take a moment (as a birthday gift to me!) to read this bit from the play, "Our Town," by Thornton Wilder, in which Emily has died, but is allowed to return to revisit one day from her life and she chooses her 12th birthday:

Emily: Oh, Mama, look at me one minute as though you really saw me. Mama, fourteen years have gone by. I'm dead. You're a grandmother, Mama! Wally's dead, too. His appendix burst on a camping trip to North Conway. We felt just terrible about it - don't you remember? But, just for a moment now we're all together. Mama, just for a moment we're happy. Let's really look at one another!...I can't. I can't go on.It goes so fast. We don't have time to look at one another. I didn't realize. So all that was going on and we never noticed. Take me back -- up the hill -- to my grave. But first: Wait! One more look. Good-bye , Good-bye world. Good-bye, Grover's Corners....Mama and Papa. Good-bye to clocks ticking....and Mama's sunflowers. And food and coffee. And new ironed dresses and hot baths....and sleeping and waking up. Oh, earth,you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you. Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every,every minute?

Stage Manager: No. (pause) The saints and poets, maybe they do some.

Emily: I'm ready to go back.

For my birthday I wish to live more like the saints and poets and less like the frenzied folk.

Running to Stand Still

2011-05-18T04:12:00.000-07:00

I asked my little sister, Valerie, to write a piece for my blog and what she wrote is wonderful. It is about running, but also about so much more - namely, putting ourselves at the top of that priority list we all maintain. Many of us would never think of not fulfilling a commitment to someone else, but we find it all too easy to not fulfill the obligations we have with our own best interests...

“And so she woke up
Woke up from where she was lyin’ still.
Said I gotta do something
About where we’re goin’.

Step on a fast train
Step out of the driving rain, maybe
Run from the darkness in the night.
Singing ah, ah la la la de day
Ah la la la de day….

She’s running to stand still…”

I have an addiction, obsession, whatever you want to call it, love for running. I have not been running long, not years, not months; 3 weeks and 2 days to be exact. Can you become addicted to something so quickly and is it the running I am addicted to or something else?

My running journey started one year ago, when I left the YMCA. I left because my 3rd child, who was 18 months old at the time, hated the babysitting there and I was paying too much for my twice monthly visits. I left with the hope that I would exercise at home, take walks around the block with my children and dogs, turn on an exercise DVD, or clean a little more, that’s exercise, right? I need exercise, it’s good for me, gets that heart pumping, keeps that blood sugar in range (important for an insulin dependent diabetic), possibly extend my quality and quantity of life. I kept telling myself these things, yet the right exercise was nowhere to be found. I will admit, I am a bit picky.

Finally, I found it. I read a post from Heather regarding the running program she had used when she started running. It seemed rather simple: walk for 6 minutes, jog for 1, repeat 3 times, do 3 sessions in 1 week and follow plans for the next 7 weeks, gradually increasing running time. I really didn’t look past week 2; did I think I wouldn’t last that long or did I refuse to see that eventually you would be running more than walking? I had a new goal, I was going to run and work toward a 5K. Only problem was, it was mid January, too late for a New Year’s resolution and too darn cold for me to drag myself out of the warm covers.

Good news. A friend of mine found a gym that I could join with her for three months and pay sixty dollars. I did the math, twenty dollars a month, if I go five times a month, that’s four dollars a workout or better yet, ten times at two dollars, I could do that. By the time the membership was up it would be May, perfect weather to start running. I signed on the dotted line on a Saturday, by Monday the place was closed due to not paying rent. I took this as a sign, possibly, some higher being really did not want me to exercise (I know, that thought seems really silly, but the excuses I will come up with). I stored my brand new shoes in the closet.

Time passed, I decided to not listen to the higher being and begin working out at home. I received Zumba for the Wii at Christmas time. It was time to give it a try. I shook my hips, got in the groove and worked up a sweat. I figured I could wake up early and do this, or, Zumba while my two year old napped. It all went sour when my six year old decided it was fun to wake up early and watch mom do Zumba. I really did not want an audience and there was no reasoning with my son. He would sit at the top of the steps and repeatedly ask, “Are you done, how much longer?” “Can I try the Zumba belt?” Ugh, this workout was exhausting and not in a good way. I had to think of a new plan. What is this, plan C,D,E? I don’t know, I lost track.

I decided to go ahead and begin the running program on Sunday, March 13th, the start of Daylight Savings Time. I must inform you; I am not a morning person and love my sleep. You guessed it, I slept right through that alarm. Fine, I decided to push back the date to March 20th. Give my body time to acclimate to DST and, spring starts in the evening, how appropriate to spend time outside. That day came and went and still no motivational talks were enough. April first, no fooling, it’s a Friday, but who said I had to start on a Sunday. Unfortunately, I slept in and missed my run time, again.

This was getting serious. Why wasn’t I doing this? The benefits are bountiful - better health, more energy to play with the kids, etc., but I kept thinking - instead of running, I could be folding laundry, picking up around the house, writing sweet notes for my kids to find in their lunches. When did this happen, that I dropped so low on the ladder, there was no time for myself? I know I should make time, I told my neighbors and friends that they should make time for themselves and it would have a positive effect in many areas of their lives, yet I could not do it for myself. I came up with excuses, I need more time, more money, the kids need me, my husband needs me, you name it, I used it. That was it, no more excuses, I need this. My kids, my husband, my dogs may not need this, but I do. I need to do this for myself and for no one else.

April 30th, I reread the program, walk 6, jog one, repeat three times. I dust off the sneakers, charge the iPod and attach the earplugs. I am ready for tomorrow, Sunday, May 1st, run day. I am awake for the eleven o’clock news that evening (which is unusual, I am usually far into dreamland by that time) where I see a story on two people in their seventies, who have been running for at least thirty years. The one has even survived cancer and continues to run. After that, I know I have no acceptable excuses. I will wake up early the next morning and make that day one of my 8 week program.

To keep myself motivated, I decide to email my progress to a friend. It doesn’t have to be a long, detailed email; it can be short and sweet, just letting her know I did it today. The responses from my friend keep me going, they are positive replies, the kind a paid, personal trainer might give you. But this is better, it is love and encouragement from someone who knows me.

Each day I walk/run, I feel better, not just physically but emotionally. Thirty minutes, four times a week I am with me and only me. I have uninterrupted thoughts, I listen to the sound of my feet hitting the pavement, the quick beats of my heart and the feel of my abdominal muscles keeping me upright. I imagine I am a horse running gracefully, no race and thankfully, no jockey on my back. I love it, I love myself and yes, this selfishness is making me a better person all around. Every day I run, I run away from home, for a little bit, but I always return feeling refreshed and better about myself. I have taken the time to meet my needs. These runs give me time to remind myself of all the good things I have. I don’t think about the negative or all that I have to do or should be doing. I am so focused on the good, it’s what keeps me going and makes it so addicting. I am proud of my body and feel fortunate to have this complex, functioning machine, I do not want to take it for granted.

Today, driving my daughter to school, she says, “Mom, tomorrow, wake me up at six, I want to run with you.” I practically have a heart attack. That time, is my time, I refuse to share it, is it really too much to ask for thirty minutes all to myself? Realizing, her school is one mile away and there is no time for a lengthy explanation, I calmly reply, “Oh no, you never wake a sleeping child. Sleep is very important at your age. It helps your body and your brain to grow. We can run together in the evening.” She buys it for now and I keep the me time written in ink on my calendar.

Addicted to running? I don’t know, I think I may be addicted to the me time. I love being with my thoughts and knowing I am taking care of myself in more ways than one, it’s multitasking, something we are all trying to succeed at. Another bonus, I love nature and I get to enjoy it at its best, early in the morning, when my small town is peaceful, yet bustling with wildlife. So, if you try to reach me through text, email or phone between 6 and 7am, I’m busy, I have a date with me.

“Walk out, into the sunburst street
Sing your heart out, sing my heart out
I’ve found grace inside a sound
I found grace, it’s all that I found
And I can breathe…”
U2

Is It Still a Faux Pas if You Really Don't Know Better?

2011-05-14T16:21:00.000-07:00

A few evenings ago Steve and I were enjoying our daughter's lovely orchestra concert. Before the performance, it was announced that all audience members should silence their phones and pagers. Steve and I both left our phones at home, so we were good. (We also left the camera at home, so no chance of committing the flash photography faux pas either...but we committed the parental faux pas of not taking any photos of our child's last 5th grade strings performance. You can't win.)

We had been sitting near the aisle, but a family of 4 came in late, so we scooted in, with me sighing about being so inconvenienced! (How self-centered am I?) About midway through the concert, just before a piece was to be performed, one of the family member's phones went off, loudly. Faux pas number 1. This person then went ahead and answered their phone. Faux pas number 2. This person then had a conversation. Faux pas number 3. I didn't move, like a deer in the headlights, I was stunned, and then torn. Since I was sitting rather close to this person, I could tell, from a few factors, that this person was not being a jerk, not being rude on purpose, not trying to let the world know that their time and conversation was more important than anyone else's time and efforts. This person was sweetly ignorant of our 21st century rules of etiquette. They did not take a phone call during our children's performance out of an elitist, entitled arrogance that surpasses an awareness of others. This person just did not know better.

Now, most people in our world today do know better. If you know better, please do not carry on a loud and personal conversation next to me on a city bus. Don't drive your car while talking, nearly swerving into my car because you cannot multitask. Don't glance at your phone every ten minutes while we are having dinner (glancing once might be ok, especially if you have small children and you're worried the babysitter is calling...). Do realize that sometimes, just sometimes, a person commits a faux pas out of ignorance, not out of rudeness and there is really no need for your comments and remarks, which are like the loud sshhhhhes of children in a classroom - louder than the chatty offenders. I am guilty of both offenses - the cell phone faux pas and the remarks, but that night, I learned my lesson. Don't assume.

Proud of the Presbyterians

2011-05-11T07:02:00.000-07:00

I was raised Presbyterian and today I feel proud of the Presbyterian Church for voting to remove a ban that kept people who are gay from being ordained. As taken from the NPR piece: The measure approved Tuesday eliminates language in the church constitution requiring that clergy live "in fidelity within the covenant of marriage between a man and a woman, or chastity in singleness." The new provision instead requires ministers to "submit joyfully to the Lordship of Jesus Christ in all aspects of life."

I am not a Christian anymore, but I really like the language of that last statement. To me it means getting rid of our man-made prejudices and ideas of what people should be doing. Just the idea of submitting joyfully, it makes me smile.

I feel too much of religion is about judging one another, I know it is not suppose to be, but it is what I see too often by people who claim to be religious. There is no way that an all-loving god would want that. I see this as one step toward eliminating judgments we make of one another based on our interpretations of the Bible - and as I've said before, I do not think one should take certain portions of the Bible literally, but then feel justified in interpreting other portions.

Way to go, Presbytery!

Mother's Day

2011-05-08T04:55:00.000-07:00

Sophie gave me the very best Mother's Day gift in the world the other day when she told me, "I love myself!" She often tells me she loves me, which makes my heart soar, but hearing that she loves herself...that makes me feel really, really good.

My own mother taught me about loving others, giving of oneself to make the world a bit brighter for another. I was about 9 years old when I went to a nursing home with her to play the piano for the residents. I got up, played a few notes, realized I didn't know the rest of the song, and promptly went back to my seat. I was so humiliated, but people came up to me and told me how beautifully I'd played. Ah, service didn't have to be perfect, it just had to be done!

Loving others and loving oneself, not always easy tasks in which to achieve success, but I will try. Thank you to the woman who mothered me and the child who made me a mother.

Tim

2011-05-05T04:02:00.000-07:00

Tim died last year, on May 10, he was 44 years old. Tim was beautiful in body and spirit, he was kind, he was intelligent and he had a laugh that filled your soul. When you entered a room with Tim, people noticed and yet, his attention was on you (ok, except that one time at the Gardener's Market when his attention was really on that guy that he ditched me for...).

I first saw Tim (whose birth certificate reads, "Timmy") when I was 18, fresh to Logan, UT, about to embark on my college adventure. He was a cashier at the local grocery store and I always picked his line. He was gorgeous and happy and made ringing up your groceries seem like his favorite thing to do in the whole world - he did this for everyone. Like many, I had a bit of a crush on Tim - I don't think you could know Tim and not have a bit of a crush on him.

Tim became part of my life in a way that many friends do, weaving in and out during its days and years. He was always there and knowing he was somewhere in this world just made my life a bit easier. I didn't always know exactly what he was up to, but when we reconnected, as it is with good friends, it was like no time had passed.

Just before Tim died, we got together one last time. My daughter was very into the local folklore of a place called The Nunnery. Tim had been a caretaker of The Nunnery for a few years and he agreed to meet with Soph and tell her his stories. We met at Einstein Brothers, over coffee and chocolate milk, and he did for Sophie what he did for so many, he made her feel like she was the most important person in the world at that very moment.

I don't know what Tim died of, I don't know how his last hours were spent and really, I guess those things don't matter. I'll always hear that laugh - it just pulled from you your own laughter and made you feel really glad to be in that moment. At his funeral were people from all walks of life and it reinforced for me that Tim didn't see people in categories, he saw people...saw them, something so many of us fail to do, even with those standing right in front of us. Ah Tim, you were somethin'.

Mi Familia

2011-05-03T03:58:00.000-07:00

On Sunday Soph and I had a puzzle-off. We timed each other to see who could put the U.S. puzzle together faster. Soph is quite good at getting those states in their places and it's fun to point out the states she's been to - 22 total, with hopes of many more. She commented on wanting to go to Alaska, where her Aunt Jen lives, and I hope that she will someday have that opportunity.

We are living somewhere in the middle of our families, which can be really cool, but there are times I wish we had family nearby. I moved away from my family when I was 18, 3 days after graduating from high school, and I haven't lived near them since. There are times I fantasize about being close enough to get together with my siblings on a whim, or having Sunday dinners together, but it's not my reality. In Logan we lived close enough to Steve's parents to visit on long weekends and we spent every holiday with them, so not having that now is hard. We're adapting to our new situation.

I'd love to hear from both sides: living near family and living away. I can see the pros and cons to both, but as an adult, I've only had the experience of living away. Did you move closer to family once you had children? Did you have a family member move closer to you because they needed help?

Family provides that unconditional love no matter where they are and I am fortunate to have loving family members residing under the same roof, as well as spread across the country. We can't always be together when we want to be, but we know, without a doubt, that if we did need them, they'd show up and sometimes, it's so good to be needed.

And I Ran

2011-05-02T06:51:00.000-07:00

Ok, maybe a 5K in a few weeks isn't totally absurd. I ran 2.34 miles today and felt like I could've kept going, but since I'm trying to get back into a routine of running, not just 1 great run, I made myself stop. I love this site: http://www.mapmyrun.com/my_home/ for motivating me, too.

One thing I love about running is that while I am running I think about little else but the actual run. For the time I'm pounding the pavement, my worries cease. I have a goal, I have to push myself, I can only focus on the next step. Running is my escape from my problems, but I like to think it is a healthy escape and it allows me to view my problems more reasonably when I do return to them.

I see from the poll that a few people have not run a 5K, but would like to. Yay! I'd love to start a support group, to motivate one another and perhaps develop a little 5K of our own to celebrate. I love the idea of readers from other places going out on the same day to run a 5K. 8 weeks from now would put us at the July 4th mark and what a great way to celebrate. If you think you want to do the running program from the last post, or whatever program you choose, and attempt a 5K, let me know!

*Today's photo is from a little jaunt we took yesterday. It is the one and only LDS Church in Jackson and at 4:00 in the afternoon there was not a car in the parking lot. Steve commented on this, because in Utah the churches are busy all day and into the evening on Sundays. Such variety in this country in which we live.

5K Fever

2011-05-01T04:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday our family did the Family Service and Children's Aid 5K. We competed in the family division, hoping to place, but instead we each placed in our age division for the walk, which was very cool. What I really loved was the fire lit under Soph as we neared the finish line, Steve and I couldn't keep up and she was the first Albee-Scott to cross!

There is another 5K coming up at the middle school, the day after my birthday. I am thinking of entering the running portion, but I feel nervous. I ran a 5K before we left Utah and loved it, but it was just for fun, no medals, no awards. Oh what the heck, I need to push myself a bit again and it goes to a good cause.

The running program I followed last year that absolutely worked (I followed it religiously!):

http://running.about.com/od/getstartedwithrunning/ht/getstarted.htm

Guess I better lace up and head out there!

The Greeks are Still the Great Thinkers

2011-04-30T16:31:00.000-07:00

My dear friend, Sia, who lives in Greece, recently sent a message to me with this sentiment: Nothing is all that important and at the same time it all matters to each and every one of us.

At this time in my life I feel a bit of sadness, longing and regret, but I continue to get up each morning, go to work, laugh with my students, listen to my daughter's account of her day, feed the dogs, start the dishwasher, pay the bills, make the dentist appointments, time my runs, email my friends, photograph the birds' eggs, read the poetry, shower, sign the permission slips, shop for a birthday present, attend the play, sweep the floor, lean in to view the artwork, encourage the music lessons, sign up to volunteer, locate the missing bank statement, return the library books, thank my husband, pour the coffee, hold the child. None of these things alone is important, but together these things make a life. (I'm pretty sure that sentiment is stolen from a book, a movie or something, but I'm also pretty sure I didn't quote it exactly...)

Sometimes things happen in our lives that cause us to reevaluate our situation, to question if what we're doing matters or if we can even continue performing the daily tasks when we feel our energy has been depleted. How do we find the strength to keep going? We don't find the strength - the strength comes if we keep going. Socrates, another person from Greece, is credited with saying, "The unexamined life is not worth living." I agree, but the view from which we examine it can be cloudy, tainted and blurred and if we examine it too long, it can look downright dreadful. When looking at your life, see who is affected by the life you lead. Does what you do make a better life for one person, just one? If so, then it is a life that matters, examined or not.

So, I will continue to perform the daily tasks that I perform, while wondering when this sadness will cease and chances are, as a new norm is created by performing my daily tasks, contentment will follow.

When the Planets Align

2011-04-28T07:09:00.000-07:00

I love moments like the one I had yesterday:

I stopped to talk to another newbie to Jackson, to ask her if she was struggling as much as I was, 'cause you know, it can't possibly be me, it must be Jackson, and if I could get confirmation on that, I would feel so much better! We chatted for a few minutes and I felt validated - not that it was Jackson, but that moving is hard and we are living in a depressed time with the economy doing so poorly, the loss of jobs, a giving up of hope and caring. As I left that conversation I was greeted by a friend who said she had something for me...and truth be told, I love gifts (especially since I'm not suppose to be buying things for myself as noted in the previous post).

The gift I was given is the book: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Oh yes! I have wanted to read this book for a very long time, but always hesitated when faced with the possibility of purchasing it. How did this new friend of mine know I needed it RIGHT NOW! How did that happen? I don't know, but I love that it did.

I'm barely into the book, but there is a quote before Chapter One, from John Lennon: Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see. It is from the song Strawberry Fields, one of my favorites and as it was fresh in my mind this morning, I snuggled with my daughter and whispered the words to her. Understanding. It does not come from being the loudest. It does not come for jumping to conclusions. It does not come from assumptions. Understanding comes when we live our lives with our eyes wide open, our hearts wide open and our minds wide open. This is a lesson I so needed to be reminded of...right now.

Buddha and a Blog

2011-04-23T05:33:00.000-07:00

I have a Zen 2011 Daily Calendar. Friday's quote from Buddha was, "In the end these things matter most: How well did you love? How fully did you love? How deeply did you learn to let go?" I have tremendous difficulty with the last one, letting go.

Coincidentally, on Friday as well, I was told about a blog in which a woman writes of her decision to not purchase anything new or not needed for a year. http://angelabarton.com/2008/12/less-than-a-week-until-i-take-the-oath/. The person telling me said she was 4 days into her own non-purchasing project and I said I would give it a try (TRY!). Saying this caused little heart palpitations, because I am not good at following through with these types of projects, but a little fear and trepidation can be good for the soul - and great material for a blog.

When I got home and again glanced at the quote from Buddha (I never know if it should be THE Buddha or just Buddha...) I thought of the connection between his words and this new project. I initially took Buddha's words to mean a letting go of expectations, of others and oneself, but I also know that Buddhism teaches a letting go of dependency on physical objects. We do not own the objects, they own us. When we cease depending on stuff to make us happy, we are left with ourselves and holy non-consumerism, that can be frightening!

I am really unsure about this project. I am lazy and able to justify purchases easily (it helps the economy!). Right now I am thinking, "Shoot! I have to get stuff for Easter! My Oprah magazine renewal form came in the mail! I have a $10 coupon from Borders!" Deep breath. I said I would try this. I am letting go of the expectation that I will alter my habits completely overnight. Maybe today I will resist purchasing one unneeded thing. Maybe I will develop a new practice: Baby Steps Toward Buddhism.

Religion versus the World

2011-04-16T04:58:00.001-07:00

A friend recently passed along an article that I swear was written by a woman who had insight into my own thoughts. The article is, "Some Kinda Mormon," by Jennifer Pemberton.

In the article, Pemberton writes of her fascination with the Mormon religion and although she has Mormon family members, she is not Mormon. Jennifer, I can kick that up a notch: I don't even have any Mormon family members, that I know of - although with the baptism of the dead bit, maybe now I do. Both Pemberton and I lived in heavily Mormon populated areas, and both of us, upon leaving those areas and returning to the "real world," couldn't shake the fascination.

The article definitely interested me because of the Mormon bit, but what really caused me to pause was this line Pemberton wrote about abandoning her own Christian beliefs during college, "The world became too big for my childhood belief system." I also abandoned the beliefs of my childhood when I entered college, because I left the comforts of my own family and their beliefs and went 2000 miles away to Logan, Utah. I was, for the first time in my life, in the minority. I was a Christian when I moved to Utah, but I wasn't Mormon and that second point made all the difference. It put me in a position in which I'd never been before, and I was pretty angry. If these people, who felt I wasn't good enough to enter their temples and who felt I didn't accept the truth, believed in God then maybe it was time for me to separate myself even further - so I started denouncing my belief in God, publicly.

It wasn't that I actually didn't believe in God, but I talked about religion and beliefs as if there were the possibility that God didn't exist. As I delved into philosophy classes that dealt with religion and myth, I also became exposed to the idea of the Bible as stories of symbolism, not stories of actual events. This was a new concept for me and it made so much more sense than Jesus being born to an actual virgin or literally rising from the dead. I embraced these ideas and felt myself drifting further and further away from the island of Christianity on which I'd been raised. I got so far off the island, in fact, that when I did want to return to it later, I just couldn't swim that far.

During college I also met people from other countries and other cultures (yep, in Utah!) and started to think about the selfishness of my childhood religion, that only Christians have the truth and will be saved. What about the really nice people I met who didn't believe in Christ, but had beliefs stemming from teachings long before anyone even heard of Jesus Christ? I was suppose to believe they were wrong? How egocentric! Also, what if I had been born in say, some middle eastern country? Would I have been raised a Christian? Probably not. I started to see religion as more of a sociological formula than truth. What solidified this view for me was the conversations I had with many people, of many religions, who had never strayed from the religion in which they were raised. Do we believe in a religion because it is true or because it has been hammered into our head and viewed through the actions of our society that it is true?

In her article, Pemberton writes of her grandmother's worry that Aunt Ruth, a Mormon in the clan, goes to hell after she dies. The grandmother is in tears, feeling there is no more they can do to save this woman's soul. I gave up on the idea of hell a long time ago - I'm not sure I ever really believed in it. I do know that, according to many religions, my actions have secured me a place in hell, so I just fall back to a line from a song I've always liked, "All the best people are burning down in hell..." "Now Heather", some of my friends would kindly ask, "Why would you want to hang with people who have committed atrocities and are suffering eternally?" Well, because of the alternative, which I see as hanging with a bunch of people who worship a God who allows for their fellow human beings to suffer eternally. That's just nuts!

Admittedly, my fascination with the Mormons has waned a bit the last few weeks. I gave up reading The Book of Mormon and I've realized that there are aspects of Mormonism I think are wonderful, but there are aspects I just can't swallow. I also feel this way about Christianity. Religion must serve some sort of purpose, because a whole bunch of people subscribe to it, but why do they choose one religion over another? And why can't people believe in an all-loving, all-knowing God without following the rules that are so obviously man-made? What is the appeal of belonging to a religion that states that your fellow human beings, who do not belong to the same religion, are wrong? It just seems too elitist and exclusive to me and if it is those things, then how can belonging to them be serving a God who created all of us?

Inspired by Stephen King

2011-04-10T06:10:00.000-07:00

Last night I watched a movie I haven't seen in years, Stand By Me, which is based on the novella, "The Body," by Stephen King. I saw this movie when it first came out in 1986 and I loved it, but watching it at this time in my life made a different impression. In 1986 I was only a year older than the characters in the film. In 2011 I have a child who is nearly the same age as the characters in the film. The film's message was lost on me at 13, but I think I get it now - 25 years later. It's about the relationships we have on the verge of leaving our childhood behind and how they'll forever define friendship for us. Richard Dreyfuss's character states at the end of the film: "I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?"

Just two days ago I spoke with my friend from that period in my life (the friend with whom I saw the movie) and although we only speak every few years, it is always as if little time has passed. She was my best friend after my family moved from Wisconsin to Pennsylvania and though we drifted apart in high school, we come together every few years to touch base, usually when something monumental has happened in our lives. I have other friends in my life, those I've made since leaving home at 18, friends made at various stages in my life, friends I see day-to-day, but it is this friendship formed at the age of 12 that has been sustained.

Our family is hoping for and planning a trip from Utah back to Michigan this summer with one of Sophie's friends (the friend has family near Michigan). Sophie and her friend are nearing 12 and I want for them this one adventure that I hope will create memories that will forever connect them. I don't think I ever would have done this pre-move from Utah, but I see these things differently now. What might have been seen as too difficult to coordinate now seems like a necessity and after watching Stand By Me, I see its need even more.

I also want to plan my own trip, with the women I was friends with at the age of 12. We've all expressed an interest in this, but I think we need to make it really happen. I want a chance to escape back to a time when we were all seemingly without worries, though I think bringing all our current issues along with us will cement us even more to one another. When you are 12 you cannot fathom ever becoming an adult, a mother, a spouse, a homeowner. You have no idea what those things entail and how they will change you, or how a part of you will forever stay the way it is when you were 12. When I was 12, life was just beginning to involve worries, fears and inhibitions that affected my future relationships. These women knew me when we thought anything was possible and now after some years of experience, I know that anything is possible.

I also know that, as stated in the film when the boys depart from their adventure and it is mentioned that 2 characters drifted away during the boys' youth, "It happens sometimes. Friends come in and out of our lives, like busboys in a restaurant." We are fortunate to have the friends we have right at this moment and we are fortunate to have friends from our past. Any friend, at any time, is a gift.

Gush

2011-03-30T17:08:00.001-07:00

This post is going to be about how much I love my kid and how wonderful I think she is and all that annoying stuff that drives other people crazy. Feel free to move along or to stick around and read it, knowing that I know that my child has flaws, but right now, at this very moment, I love her so stinking much I feel like I could burst!

Many people comment on how quiet my daughter is and how she doesn't like to be hugged and oh, how shy she is (I know people don't mean anything bad about the word shy, but it really is an annoying word, because so many people use it without really knowing if the person is actually shy or gasp - if they just don't want to talk to you!). I think Sophie is perfect - just the way she is.

She's a kid who observes...EVERYTHING. When she was in preschool we use to joke that she would be happier on the other side of the one-way mirror, where she could watch the children play. We use to pull up to playgrounds in the neighborhood and Soph would sigh and say, "Let's go somewhere else, there are kids here." Thought in my head? "Um yeah, kids and playgrounds usually go together." We now joke about this, because that was Soph at that age and later she became the kid who didn't want to go anywhere unless she could bring a friend or there were going to be kids at the event.

Soph did have a few good friends in Ann Arbor - the boys she played tornado with at preschool and a neighbor, Eun. When we moved to San Antonio Soph had a few more friends - the brothers in our neighborhood who liked to play with Soph on the big rocks down the road and a couple school friends. At the age of 6 Soph had to make another move (and just to take away any guessing, there's another one coming up...) to Logan, UT, where I was certain she would never make any friends, because everyone told us how the Mormons don't let their kids play with the non-Mormon kids. Well, those people were wrong!

Utah is where Soph really hit the friendship lottery. She had a friend over nearly every day - a variety, too. Kids from the neighborhood, kids from school and kids whose parents we knew - all great kids with very active imaginations, like Soph. They hunted for aliens, played in the tent in our yard, drew a spaceship in Soph's room and tried to sell their artwork on our street corner. Good times. A few friends were really good friends - these kids frequented our house more than the others and they were the kids we took with us on outings or who spent the night.

So when we told Soph we were moving, again, it was very hard and sad for our girl. She is quiet. She is deliberate in what she says in front of others. She is not the kid to walk into a room and announce, "Look at me! I'm here!" She did not want to be the new kid again, she did not want to leave her comfort zone, she did not want to say good-bye.

We had a going away party for Soph and her friends - a neat mix of kids who are important to our daughter and who didn't necessarily play with each other on a regular basis, but who all came out to bid adieu to our kid and to have one last hurrah! It was wonderful.

We've now been in Jackson 7 months and Soph told me the other day she's still sad not to have a best friend. (Darn it all, I'm crying as I write this...) Here's the thing I want Sophie to know - forever -

Sophie,
What you have done - being the new kid again, seeking out a person to hang out with at recess or strolling the playground alone - those are tough things. Some adults will never have to be in that situation, they'll always know someone wherever they go. What makes me so proud of you is that you put yourself out there and keep trying. I'm sorry you had to leave your very good friends behind and I'm so glad you stay in touch with them and have playdates using Skype - that is so cool! I still think you will meet a very good friend here, not someone who will replace your other very good friends, but someone who will be added to the wonderful bouquet of people you know and love. Hang in there, Soph and keep doing what you're doing.

On the selfish side, Soph, I'm enjoying this time I get with you - time after school and on weekends, when we go for walks, play games, work on homework or drive around Jackson. In about 7 years you'll be off on your greatest adventure and all these experiences you've had will make you stronger. My hope is that you know you can go anywhere and create your own happiness - it is not outside of you, it is within you, though the truth is, Sophie, that you bring so much happiness to my life - and although you are my child, you are outside of me. I feel sad that you had to leave behind your good friends, but I know of sadness and I know it doesn't last forever if you make the choice to keep trying and I see you making that choice every day. Soph, you rock.

Love,
Mom

I try to always ask Soph if it is ok to post about her - because her life is her life, not mine. She said it was ok.

We're the Moms

2011-03-26T14:52:00.001-07:00

My friend's mom passed away. I don't keep in touch with my friend much anymore, but since we were friends in middle school and high school, I had quite a bit of contact with her mom, who was fabulous. My heart aches for the family of Joan Ciliberti, who was a strong woman who did anything for her kin and who will sorely be missed.

I think of that role, the friend's mom, and what it means. Sometimes we're just the chauffeur, sometimes we're the annoying presence checking in - especially when it's too quiet, sometimes we're the audience when a play needs to be performed with just a cast of 2, sometimes we don't receive more than a few mumbled, awkward words before our child takes the friend off to the nether regions of the house.

Sometimes we get to be a bit more, because as important as our child is to us, so are these people our child has invited into their life. If your child has a best friend or a really close friend, you will get to know the friend as they frequent your house, and you will embrace them as an extended family member. They're important to your child, so they become important to you.

Here's a thank you to Mrs. Ciliberti, for putting up with my adolescent antics and making me feel at home every time I visited. I only hope I can give the kind of welcome to Soph's friends that she gave to me - the kind that said, "Leave your worries at the door. Those in this house accept you just as you are."

Going With His Conscience

2011-03-20T06:43:00.001-07:00

I was looking for information for a friend of mine who is also reading The Book of Mormon and I stumbled upon some videos under the "Hello, my name is...and I'm an ex-Mormon," similar to the campaign I've seen by the LDS Church. I was intrigued and so I watched a few. This one really stuck out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTDXHjUy-As&feature=related

I wonder how others in the LDS Church have dealt with the scientific research versus their religious teachings in the area of homosexuality. When I hear that people are committing suicide because they feel ashamed and wrong for their sexuality it bothers me. There has to be a change in this area.

Back to Thich Nhat Hanh

2011-03-16T04:08:00.001-07:00

I'm reading Living Buddha, Living Christ, by Thich Nhat Hanh. I am still reading the Book of Mormon, but I just couldn't wait to delve into the book that came so highly recommended. This passage in the book resonated with me, "The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green earth in the present moment."

I've been thinking about the stories we are told through religious texts and wondering why we have to put faith in tales that go so far beyond our realm of reason. The world we live in is amazing and things happen every single day that, even with an explanation, are astounding. I look at the variety of species that surround me and I look at art work created by another human and I am in awe. The problem, as Thich Nhat Hanh points out, is living in the moment and realizing the splendor surrounding us.

I was raised on the stories from the Bible, but later looked at them as symbolism versus truth. I now see them as similar to the tales of Aesop, and we certainly don't take those literally, do we? Why do we believe the stories in the Bible and the Book of Mormon are actually true? Why do we need to believe in things that don't make sense to try to make sense of our world?

And It Came to Pass That I Prayed

2011-03-12T05:03:00.001-08:00

The Book of Mormon reading continues, slowly, but it continues. Unlike some people who are soaring through the BoM (no names shall be mentioned, oh bearded one), I am really trying to sit with the words and figure out their true intent. Alright, that's not totally accurate, I just get lost easily and I have to use Google a lot to figure out what exactly is going on and then I have to read all the opinions about what it is I'm reading.

One thing I was asked to do as I read the BoM was to pray about it and although I lack membership with a specific religion, I do love to pray. Most of the time I send out quick memos to God or Buddha or whoever is tuned in and a lot of them are requests from others. If I am praying about something in my own life, it is often when I feel desperate and very down. Sometimes I throw in a lot of 4-letter expletives - yes, the rated R prayer. During these prayers I have felt a sense of calm and the response of an inner voice, though I don't always equate it to God, I feel it is the answer that is already inside me, but needs stillness and focus to surface.

So, although I was doubtful about praying to determine if the BoM was true or not, I did it. I got a clear answer and it has helped me as I've continued reading. Again, I don't necessarily think prayer is answered by some being outside of oneself, I think we all contain all the knowledge we need in these areas, we just have to trust ourselves to listen to the voice below the noise.

Here's the thing: my answer through prayer seemed very real to me and although I admit that my prayers are not always thoughtful, I really tried with this one. Now I wonder this, if one person is told through prayer that the BoM is true and another is told it is not true, well, those are contradictory statements, so one must be wrong. Ok, I already know there are those of you reading this, rolling your eyes and mumbling, "Gol, just use reason and evidence, forget prayer." Part of me agrees, but for this argument's sake, we'll use prayer as the determining factor. Please know, I am not trying to invite an attack on a specific religion, what I am trying to invite is a thoughtful answer to this, something that will tell me how it can be that one person can pray about a specific truth, be told that yes, it is true and another person can pray about the same specific truth and be told that it is not true. How do those in the former group account for those in the latter group? (Note that the latter group is not part of the Latter Day Saints group...tricky.)

The Great Conversion

2011-03-07T17:02:00.000-08:00

Dr. Richard Sherlock of the Utah State University Philosophy Department was one of my favorite professors. His Philosophy of Religion course was the first philosophy class I took and within the first week I was hooked! I'd walk up the stairs of the old agricultural building on the Logan campus with my cup of coffee and sit right up front. Dr. Sherlock's lectures were thought-provoking, passionate and well, fun. THIS is what college is about, I thought.

I knew Dr. Sherlock was raised in the LDS religion and I assumed he was still LDS when I saw him a year or so ago. So I was surprised when I read a letter to the editor of the local paper chastising Dr. Sherlock for giving a talk on his conversion to Catholicism from Mormonism. The whole talk is really worth listening to, but what especially grabbed me is the final bit:

I have not gone over to the dark side. I am a truer, deeper Christian than I have ever been. I still regard unbelief, represented by recent writers like Richard Dawkins and Daniel Dennett or seminal minds like Nietzsche, as wrong but well worth deep study. The experience of Holy Spirit does, sometimes, have an emotional component. But it is more than just emotion. The Holy Spirit is one person of the triune God who is wisdom itself. One of God’s greatest gifts to us is reason. Thus we cannot remain content with emotional moments or warm feelings. If we are to remain true to the gift God gave us we must use this gift, like the man in scripture who expanded his talents, to deepen and enrich our faith with the gift of reason. For those of you who are doubting or unsure, even for those on a different path: come on in. The water is fine and neither God nor those of us already on the journey will let you sink.

I often felt like a few of my Mormon friends were on the verge of leaving the religion of their youth - something that should not be taken lightly. I never encouraged this of anyone, feeling it was not my place. I do, however, agree with Dr. Sherlock - that if you are questioning and are scared, there are people who are there for you and with you - who will not let you sink.

I also like the introduction to Dr. Sherlock's talk:

One should never leave the religion in which one was born or raised for anything but the most serious of reasons. Warm feelings, family, friends, a social ethos, should never be the reason for joining or leaving a religion.

Words to ponder.

*If you'd like a copy of Dr. Sherlock's complete talk, send me an email and I'll happily pass it along: heather.albeescott@gmail.com

or you can listen to it: http://usu-shaft.com/2011/audio-of-dr-sherlocks-conversion-story/

The Good and the Bad Part II

2011-03-05T05:16:00.000-08:00

I believe I left off at the point in which we returned to Logan in 2006 after living in Ann Arbor for 6 years and San Antonio for 1 year.

Our move back to Logan turned out to be necessary for Steve's work, but I worried my sanity was hanging on by a thread. I had so much anger over my previous experiences in Logan and so much worry about the influences of which my child was about to be exposed. However, it became apparent, quite quickly, that my perspective in the 7 years we'd been gone had been altered and in the next 4 years Logan became my home.

I think a lot of the difference the second time around was the fact that I am a mom and so my involvement in Sophie's life helped me make friends that had the same parental interests. I also served on a non-profit board for a multicultural center and I became active in the community, which gave me a cause outside of myself. Steve loved his job teaching high school and though we never made a lot of money, we had a home in a neighborhood which we loved, 5 minutes from the mountains, and a walk away from the downtown and the university. (Ok, why did we leave? :) )

As I felt more comfortable with myself in Logan, I was able to reach out to people who were part of the dominant culture (politically correct speak for Mormon) and ask them the questions I'd been wondering. These questions turned into thoughtful exchanges and I felt my anger turn into understanding. The Mormons were not bad people - the Mormons were like the rest of us, they believed in something and they felt it was good and they wanted to share it with others. True, the religion tells them to share it, but still.... I saw my previous role in my prejudices against Mormons: I made a lot of blanket assumptions. How does one work toward understanding? By engaging in dialogues that are honest, respectful and continual and by really trying to see things from another's point of view based on that person's experiences, not your own.

A lot of the nasty rumors I'd been told were also disproven: 1) Mormons will not attend a church other than their own. We invited friends to attend First Presbyterian with us (I'm not Presbyterian, but it was a great church for those interested in community service and thoughtful dialogues) and they did! 2) When people find out you're not Mormon, they will not let their children play with Sophie. Not only not true, but quite the opposite: Sophie had friends over nearly every day, Mormon and non-Mormon and some of the kindest people toward my daughter were devout Mormons. 3) When the Mormons find out they cannot convert you, they will ostracize you. Who knows, maybe I'm delusional, but it seemed pretty clear to me that our Mormon friends knew where we stood on the issue of religion, but they still hung out with us and yes, invited us to church functions - some of which we happily attended. When it came time to move from Logan it was many of our Mormon friends who prepared meals for us and helped with the packing and hauling - without an agenda.

I still have anger over issues in which the Mormon Church has stances differing from my own, but I voiced my opinion while we lived in Logan and I found friends who are Mormon who offered their support - this does not mean they agreed with me, but they could see my side. I tried to reciprocate in the areas in which I did not agree. I think this mutual attempt to understand is what made the difference.

So now here I am in Jackson, Michigan and I miss Logan so much sometimes it physically hurts - but life is about change, about stretching oneself, about living in the moment and who knows, maybe we'll end up back in Logan someday for round 3!

Guest Writer: Tom McMillen-Oakley

2011-03-03T06:41:00.000-08:00

When Prop 8 passed we lived in Logan, Utah and it was difficult to have conversations with neighbors and friends about this heated topic. I do not understand why any person does not support marriage between 2 loving, consenting adults, regardless of their sex. I think it is important, when looking at an issue, to think of the humanity: How does Prop 8 affect a family? Thank you Tom, for sharing your story.

In August of 2008, we flew our small family to California to get legally hitched in San Francisco. We knew that our marriage would not mean much for us back here in Michigan, due to Prop 2’s passage a few years earlier. However, we decided it was important to us to make this happen for us and for our growing family. The trip out was shrouded in secrecy since we didn’t want our family to know what we were up to and try and talk us out of it. For our parents, and for many of our friends, our commitment ceremony in 2001, done in our humble backyard, was good enough for them.

However, it wasn’t good enough for us. We wanted to be legally married somewhere.

We both grew up in two-parent households, and to this day, our parents are still together and are both approaching their 50th anniversaries. So no one can blame us, as we had great role models for our decision to do this. It wasn’t until I was in junior high that I knew a kid that actually came from a divorced household, the thought terrified me as a kid. We were able to secure a time in San Francisco’s Beaux Arts City Hall on the same day we had our commitment ceremony in 2001, seven years earlier on August 4th. But this time, instead of 200 plus guests, we had a small gathering of friends, some family, a former student and Jeb, the man who married us. His partner Thomas wrangled the two kids in attendance and took pictures for us as Jeb preformed the ceremony on the balcony of the 4th floor of City Hall. Anna was our ring bearer and flower girl and stole the show from Jeb, who is also an international DJ as well as minister. A tough task, but Anna was up for it.

So we got married and that night we called our parents to let them in on our secret. Needless to say, they were thrilled and a bit confused (to their defense, it was late and they’re old). There were many questions to be asked, but we had a night of celebrating in front of us as Tod’s cousin took Anna for us so we could have the night to ourselves in the amazing city of San Francisco. Thomas and Jeb took us out for dinner and we celebrated over tapas and sangria.

When we returned there was life as usual waiting for us in Michigan as a recently married couple. We were busy getting back to school for the year and doing our best to help Obama get elected. We jumped into the campaign and did what we could to help. While all this was taking place, there was much campaigning going on in California for Proposition 8, reversing the ability for Lesbians and Gays to marry in California. We knew that this was happening when we made the decision to go out there, and that was one of the reasons why we didn’t tell our parents. We knew that there was a chance that Prop 8 would pass, but all the polls said we were safe, or so we thought.

We were overjoyed when Obama won, but then the news started coming in that Prop 8 might pass. As it became clear that it did indeed pass, a roar of opposition came from around the county. It was unheard of that we could elect our first Black President in 2008, but we were still in the Dark Ages when it came to LGBT rights. As we got used to the fact that it did indeed pass, our hearts sank. Suddenly, our status as a legally married couple was in jeopardy. It was infuriating for sure, and a bit sad. It didn’t help matters when the donor lists became available and it became clear that there were several religious groups behind the massive amount of funding needed to make it pass. One of the chief groups was the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or Mormons.

Suddenly we were thrown into a state of confusion and internal conflict because as soon as the votes were counted, the appeals started. We took part in many different protests around the area and lent our voice to the chorus of disapproval to those who funded this contentious bill.

As Obama was inaugurated, and the distinctly anti-Gay pastor Rick Warren led the prayer, I began to wonder if my efforts were worth it. I felt betrayed and out of sorts. I retreated inward and became emotionally and socially isolated. It didn’t help matters that I was also on sabbatical during a rather vicious Michigan winter and spent most of the time indoors alone. I checked dozens of LGBT focused blogs religiously each day in hopes that there might be a tidbit of information on the appeal. Then in March it began…

From across the country I watched a tiny video feed on my computer screen as the court case began in the same building where we were married. There were many impassioned voices from both sides, but the voice of reason seemed to be with our side. How is it ever right to allow a majority to vote on minorities’ rights? How can you repeal this when over 18,000 couples have already gotten married under the law? The questions kept coming to Judge Walker and he listened to each side, never once hinting at his stance. There were bloggers who chose to out him as a Gay Man, and the right demanded that he step down as his own sexuality might somehow affect his ability to rule justly and fairly.

But then there was a whole lot of nothing after the initial case in March. From March until August not much happened. We were still waiting in this morbid limbo of uncertainty as Judge Walker mulled his decision. Meanwhile, we were busy as ever welcoming Elijah into our house. We found out about him in May and by the end of July, he was living with us full time. This change brought up a whole host of questions for us regarding our marriage and our kids, questions that heterosexual couples NEVER have to ask or worry over.

1. We’re both legal parents to Anna (due to second parent adoption) and we’re married. Shouldn’t Eli be considered both our child as well? Unfortunately, no.
2. What if something were to happen to Tod, who is the legal parent to Eli? If we were a heterosexual couple, this wouldn’t even be a question. Eli would remain with the surviving spouse, no questions asked. With us, this isn’t as certain.

As the summer wrapped up and we began to settle into life with a new 1 and a half year old, the news that Judge Walker had ruled Prop 8 unconstitutional came on our anniversary. More on that here:

http://jesushas2daddies.blogspot.com/2010/08/best-anniversary-gift-ever.html

So what now? We’re still legally married, the passing of Prop 8 didn’t change that as they allowed the marriages to stay, but there are many couples who, for whatever reason, didn’t get married in time and are now wanting to do so in California, and until all this is cleared up, they can’t. And across the USA, small amounts of Gay and Lesbian couples are legally marrying in states that allow it and returning home to their state that may or may not allow for full legal rights under marriage.

Is this fair? Is this equal? No and no.

How are states going to deal with this? Do you have to remarry as a heterosexual couple when you move to a new state? NO. I for one am a little nervous and a little happy that there are pockets of us out there in the US demanding that we have full and equal access to the legal rights of marriage. Obama, once the apparent enemy of LGBT rights is coming around and is doing some great things for us. Time will tell, as will countless more trials and appeals are certainly on the docket. Both sides of this argument are well-funded and apparently doing nothing else but messing with my rights as an American citizen. But our family is now part of this fight for equality and we take the notion of marriage and family seriously.

It’s a fight I wish we didn’t have to do, but it’s one I am ready for.

A Prequel - Already

2011-03-01T03:55:00.000-08:00

I have to interject here - I forgot to write about my experience with the LDS missionaries within my first few months in Utah, back in 1991 - when I was a feisty 18-year old:

First, I was very excited about living in an area with a lot of Mormons, because from the commercials I saw before leaving Pennsylvania and from what I read, I thought we'd have a lot in common. At that time I did not drink (unlike a lot of my peers) and I loved doing volunteer work. I thought for sure the Mormons and I would live it up together, drinking our sparkling, non-alcoholic beverages and playing really cool card games (didn't know about the face card bit..). I was also a bit of a punk rocker, had my head partially shaved, wore a lot of tank tops and realized later that my appearance wasn't going to get me invited to a lot of home evenings (those of you in Utah know what I mean...). Bummer. It seemed in 1991 there really weren't a lot of punk rock Mormons hanging out in Logan, Utah.

In 1991 I really didn't know much about the Mormon Church, so when the missionaries came knocking on my door, I was so excited to learn more! I had already made a few friends and one in particular warned me about having the missionaries come, saying he felt he should be there when he did, but no, I wanted to meet with them all on my own...and I did.

Short version: I spent only 3 or 4 weeks with the missionaries, but felt discouraged when I kept asking the missionaries questions starting with, "What do you think about..." and their response was, "Let me check with my bishop." I would say, "No, no, just tell me what you think about..." and they wouldn't answer. Again, I really had very little knowledge of the religion at the time, so I wasn't trying to stump them, I was just 18 and trying to think through my own religious upbringing and asking them to do the same. When they wouldn't answer off the cuff, I got discouraged. I didn't want scripted answers, I wanted their gut reactions!

So that's it...my first visit with the LDS missionaries. I know now I shouldn't judge the whole church based on that experience, but I do become skeptical when people have not thought through - for themselves - the tough issues.

The Good and the Bad Part I

2011-02-27T05:47:00.000-08:00

I'm reading The Book of Mormon and it is slow going. I'm only on page 25 and a lot of times I have to go back and reread passages because I find my brain wandering to lists of things I need to get done. I am trying to be open-minded and I am determined to not just read this book, but to get from a variety of sources impressions of what certain passages mean. The truth is though, if you're not or have never been Mormon, you probably haven't read this book - so my sources will most likely be active Mormons or people who were raised Mormon, but have left the religion and I think it is safe to say that the latter category has a lot of anger about the teachings of the religion. I have also had a lot of anger based on experiences I had:

After living in Utah for 3 months in 1991 my landlord told me I was "unpure" (I think he meant impure) and I was so baffled, I did not even know how to respond. My friend stepped in and explained that I wasn't Mormon, at which point the landlord profusely apologized. What I got from that is it is ok to bully your fellow Mormons.
I was told at a job interview that I would not be hired for a position because I was not LDS (Mormon). I was probably 23 or so at the time and I was livid - and I felt horrible. I felt like there was something dirty about me and I hated that someone else could make me feel that way. Nevermind that his remark was illegal, in my opinion it was mean.
One of my best friends was marrying a woman - someone I had set him up with - in the LDS Temple and I was not allowed to go to the wedding (if you don't know about the Temple, you can look it up). I was really hurt - I was worthy enough to pick out his future wife, but not to attend his wedding. (Sidenote: this couple later divorced, so I now forgive him :) )

So in 1999, when Steve and I drove out of Logan I remember declaring, "We will never live in that place again!" and I spread my tales of Mormon atrocities in our new homes: Ann Arbor and San Antonio.

While in San Antonio, both Steve and I secretly longed to return to Logan - and these yearnings of mine were accompanied with the thought, "What the bleep!?" (Yes, it was "bleep.") We kept our longings to ourselves for awhile and then Steve found an opportunity to teach in Logan and the rollercoaster started. I wanted to return to Logan, but I also hated Logan...so one minute I felt relief at going back to a familiar place and the next minute I was in tears thinking we were nuts to take our impressionable child to a place that had allowed the above things to happen to me...and Utah has the highest rate of many bad things! We were going to scar our child for life!!

The first few months in Logan were like living in the Twilight Zone - I'd been in these exact places before, yet I was different. I think it's like that for anyone who attempts to return home - you are not the same and it's an odd feeling to be back in a place in which you once resided.

(Ah, I think I will leave this as is...to be continued....)

Summary of the Buddhist Book

2011-02-22T09:38:00.001-08:00

I finished The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching, by Thich Nhat Hanh, this morning. The book described the techniques used in Buddhism to attain the Noble Eightfold Path (Right View, Right Thinking, Right Mindfulness, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Diligence, Right Livelihood), which will lead to peace in one's life, not through the end of suffering, but through transforming suffering into understanding.

I was going to list all the passages I marked, but it really comes down to this one:

You don't have to die to enter nirvana or the Kingdom of God. You only have to dwell deeply in the present moment, right now.

If we live in the present moment, in every thing we do, we will be more peaceful. When we live in the present moment we make choices that bring about an end to our own suffering. The end.

Ok, so not quite the end, because I really liked this:

In Buddhism, our faith is concrete, not blind, not a leap. It is formed by our own insight and experience.

I love that, because one of the areas that has caused me to struggle in other religions is this idea of faith, which I perceive to be: give up all the rational rules by which you think the world follows and believe in something that goes against rational thought and is only true in the case governed by a certain religion. Why do we have to believe Jesus was born of a virgin to think he was a good teacher? Why the ridiculous when we can just believe and have faith in the reality?

And this: I go back and rely on the Buddha in myself.

I see this as making each person accountable, rather than relying on something beyond oneself - a god. I really think each person knows the right way to live, we don't need religion to teach us that it's wrong to steal, to have addictions which bind us, to not cheat on our spouses. We can say we follow rules because our religion teaches us that it is what we are suppose to do, but what does that mean? Does that mean without your religion you will commit atrocities? God, I hope not! Does it mean that we can read inspiring texts and be reminded to live more fully, with greater understanding, with more compassion for fellow beings? Sure, and gathering with others can help us in this journey, so a church or sangha has its purpose, but we don't have to credit these ideas to a higher power - we all know these things, because we all live in this world. Cheat on your spouse and go to hell? Who cares...cheat on your spouse and cause a lot of pain...reason enough not to do it, right?

Finally, Buddha was not a philosopher trying to explain the universe. He was a spiritual guide who wanted to help us put an end to our suffering.

Sounds good to me. I don't need someone to tell me elaborate stories that go beyond my realm of understanding - this doesn't make them more creditable in my eyes. It is nice to have someone acknowledge that there is suffering, to admit that we cannot live without suffering and yet, we can choose how to live with suffering.

There was much in the book about specific practices and honestly, some of it had my head spinning. To really understand it all I'd need to study this book more, but in my one reading of it I have been inspired to live more presently in each moment. Amen. :)

Keith's Beard Project

2011-02-20T19:14:00.001-08:00

Keith Pecor and his wife, Stephanie, are very dear friends of ours. I try to support Keith in all his endeavors - after all, he was my husband's office mate during their years at the University of Michigan and that meant Keith often fielded phone calls from me regarding my husband's schedule. It's been nearly 6 years since they both finished their doctorates and I finally have a chance to give Keith the thank you he deserves...

Keith is growing a beard of biblical proportions and I am paying the ASPCA $1 for every week Keith doesn't shave (his face).

Yep, when Keith posted of his beard project I offered up the encouragement of giving $1 a week to the charity of his choice. Keith was game (another reason I like him, he's up for these kinds of things). Keith chose the ASPCA, a favorite of mine:

https://donate.aspca.org/Donate/Donations/TN/Guardian_TN_C.aspx?PlacementID=2767237&utm_source=2011TrueNorth_SadStatistic&utm_medium=webbanner&utm_campaign=GooglePPC

The date of Keith's last shave was December 13, 2010 - so I already owe the ASPCA $10. I am hoping to send a donation for $52 by December 13, 2011....or more beyond!

I highly encourage others to get on board - grow a beard or donate money, whichever will cause you less damage in life. My hope is that Keith will offer up some insights into the world of being bearded - do people treat him differently? Does it make the summer months unbearable? Will he braid the beard? Stay tuned....

Guest Writer

2011-02-17T03:21:00.000-08:00

I was recently on the phone with the person who wrote this post and when she told me her reasoning for letting her 10-year old see The King's Speech, an R rated film, I had one of those, "Yes!" moments - and quickly determined I would take my own 11-year old child to see it.

My husband and I recently took our 10-year-old son to the movie, The King’s Speech. We knew that it had been given an R rating because of two scenes with several expletives, but I had seen the movie a few weeks earlier and knew that my son had to see it!

My son is extremely bright, but has dysgraphia (looks like bad handwriting but is not quite so simple) and some visual-spatial issues. He has had to work hard to develop strategies to deal with these deficits. He often complains that it is unfair that he has these problems and that he has to work so hard. In his mind, every other kid is lounging around at home playing video games, watching TV, and generally having a good time. He contends that no one else has such a burden -- he feels alone.

When I saw The King’s Speech for the first time, I realized that it had a powerful message to anyone who has ever had to struggle. Here was a man who had a very obvious problem -- stuttering -- and he could not hide it or from it. The advent of radio and his position as a member of the royal family demanded public speeches on his part. His ascent to the throne as war clouds gathered over Europe was totally unexpected and unwanted, but he had been brought up to do his duty. Bertie, the prince/king, saw several therapists and worked extremely hard all of his life to be able to speak clearly and smoothly. His ability to do so was vital in a speech that would convince his countrymen to enter the war against Germany rather than on the side of their longtime ally. Stuttering with the accompanying long pauses would have been devastating to the cause.

The successful treatment of Bertie’s stutter was unorthodox for the time. Indeed, the relationship between the two men was groundbreaking given the rigid class system of interwar England. Lionel Logue, his therapist, noted that Bertie (and most stutterers) did not stutter when singing or when extremely angry. Thus, two scenes involve intense anger and words that one does not use in polite company! There was really no way to accurately portray the deepening trust between patient and therapist or the growing desperation of Bertie’s situation without using a few four-letter words.

In taking my son to this movie, I had to prepare him for those two scenes (as we do not generally use such language around him). I explained that he would hear words that some people would call bad. I further explained that I did not think words, in and of themselves, were bad, but that there were inappropriate contexts to use these words. I noted that in the movie, he would see that these words were only used when the King was with his therapist and never in public or even other private settings. In my opinion, in most situations, people should use a larger vocabulary to express themselves and need not be vulgar, but when one is extremely angry, these vulgar terms sometimes capture the emotions that one is feeling in the moment.

For example, the term sh*t makes me think of the feeling that you have when you step in dog poop on the sidewalk. The excrement is all over your shoe, and you usually have nothing with you to even begin cleaning it. Moreover, you are probably on your way to an important meeting. The anger, frustration, desperation, vengefulness, sick-in-the-pit-of-your-stomach feeling, shame, embarrassment, and loneliness in that moment cannot be summed up by “Oh, poop!” or “Darn!” Expletives bring us to our basest place and allow us to vent those same feelings. Just as we don’t generally express those emotions in public, we should not use those words in public, but there are times and places when those words are the best at capturing our feelings.

I explained all of this to my son. He asked what the various words meant, and we explained them matter-of-factly. He laughed a bit, and was curious about the fact that they were largely scatalogical or sexual. He also agreed that these words didn’t really have a place in everyday life -- “don’t people have better ways to say what they mean?” was his question. He talked about a few classmates who bandy those words around on the playground and how he thought those students were not really fun to be around.

Most importantly, my son walked out of the movie inspired by a true story about someone who had a problem despite his status and worked to overcome it and did. This week, my son has railed against his therapies far less than usual and has agreed to some intensive keyboarding and other work during the summer. I think he realizes that we value him as a brilliant scientist and lovely little boy and that we will do anything to make his dreams come true. He understands, for the first time, that hard work may not pay off immediately, but that it will eventually. I am so glad that I did not let a few four-letter words stand in the way of that powerful message.

The Great Religious Challenge Part I

2011-02-15T03:00:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine, who is Mormon, challenged me to read The Book of Mormon and upon some negotiation, we decided she will read The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching by Thich Nhat Hanh. I am not a Buddhist, but I find the teachings of Buddhism to make the most sense to me out of all the religions/philosophies I've studied, which admittedly are few. I have read some material by Thich Nhat Hanh, but not this entire book.

I am now on page 41 of The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching and admit to being a bit confused about the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path - I just can't keep them straight, but there has been much already that has me rereading words in an attempt to absorb them into my daily practices:

"Allow the rain of the Dharma to come in and penetrate the seeds that are buried deep in your consciousness. A teacher cannot give you the truth. The truth is already in you." This passage resonates with me, because I have felt that prayer and meditation were just this - allowing yourself to sit with the truth that is already there. Truth is not given by some divine source, it is within each of us, we just need to sit down, shut up and listen to it.

Suffering seems to be the key to Buddhism - recognizing, accepting, embracing, looking deeply at and having insight into our suffering. We are to sit with our suffering, try to identify its source and become more mindful so we may make choices that will least likely bring more suffering. So far there are guidelines: eat good foods, live a simple life without dependence on objects and yes, watch films that enrich our lives rather than "water the negative seeds of craving, fear, anger and violence in them."* We are instructed to meditate, to be mindful, to rest so that we may heal. Nothing earth-shattering here.

The very first words of the book are, "Buddha was not a god. He was a human being, like you and me, and he suffered just as we do." We are instructed to take our suffering to the Buddha, but so far I have not been lead to believe we are to worship the Buddha. This was a huge catalyst for me in leaving Christianity. I can wrap my head around learning from Jesus Christ, but I cannot understand worshipping anyone or anything.

I am enjoying this book and as I read it, I see bits and pieces of Christianity popping through - probably not a coincidence. It reaffirms for me that religion is about commonsense, but also a need to believe in something beyond our own wisdom so we may attain favor in this world.

When I finish this book I'll begin The Book of Mormon and I admit, I'm already skeptical, but that is just all the more reason to read it, right?

*This challenge began because of a discussion regarding rated R movies, specifically The King's Speech, and the Mormon Church's stance on viewing rater R movies. I would say that viewing The King's Speech enriched my life, and the few swear words spoken did not water any negative seeds.

Thoughts Near the Big V-Day

2011-02-13T05:23:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day is tomorrow and I admit, I love Valentine's Day. I'm a sucker for the red hearts, the chocolates, the flowers and the cheesy sentiments delivered by greeting cards. Love it.

I've been thinking about something, sort of related to Valentine's Day - and no, not a personal experience:

If your spouse/significant other confessed to an infidelity 5 years ago, how do you think you would react? I'm trying to mull this over in my own brain and of course, nobody really knows what they would do until the situation arises, but it seems there is a difference between a confession of infidelity in recent time versus one that took place at a different point in your relationship.

I was of the camp that always said I could never be married to someone who was unfaithful, until I had a child. I then felt like maybe it wasn't a black and white issue. I have not dealt with this, so I do not know and for those who have dealt with this, I apologize if this post seems at all flippant, it is not intended to be.

It Really Does Seem Like Bigotry

2011-02-12T13:11:00.000-08:00

I wrote a really long post about the previous post and Proposition 8 and how fired up I am that there is such bigotry in our world, and yes, that this bigotry is supported by religious institutions and then I found this:

One should no more deplore homosexuality than left-handedness. ~Towards a Quaker View of Sex, 1964

I also found this:

Straight Americans need... an education of the heart and soul. They must understand - to begin with - how it can feel to spend years denying your own deepest truths, to sit silently through classes, meals, and church services while people you love toss off remarks that brutalize your soul. ~Bruce Bawer, The Advocate, 28 April 1998

and this:

An engineering professor is treating her husband, a loan officer, to dinner for finally giving in to her pleas to shave off the scraggly beard he grew on vacation. His favorite restaurant is a casual place where they both feel comfortable in slacks and cotton/polyester-blend golf shirts. But, as always, she wears the gold and pearl pendant he gave her the day her divorce decree was final. They're laughing over their menus because they know he always ends up diving into a giant plate of ribs but she won't be talked into anything more fattening than shrimp.
Quiz: How many biblical prohibitions are they violating? Well, wives are supposed to be 'submissive' to their husbands (I Peter 3:1). And all women are forbidden to teach men (I Timothy 2:12), wear gold or pearls (I Timothy 2:9) or dress in clothing that 'pertains to a man' (Deuteronomy 22:5). Shellfish and pork are definitely out (Leviticus 11:7, 10) as are usury (Deuteronomy 23:19), shaving (Leviticus 19:27) and clothes of more than one fabric (Leviticus 19:19). And since the Bible rarely recognizes divorce, they're committing adultery, which carries the rather harsh penalty of death by stoning (Deuteronomy 22:22).
So why are they having such a good time? Probably because they wouldn't think of worrying about rules that seem absurd, anachronistic or - at best - unrealistic. Yet this same modern-day couple could easily be among the millions of Americans who never hesitate to lean on the Bible to justify their own anti-gay attitudes. ~Deb Price, And Say Hi To Joyce

Guest Writer

2011-02-09T14:57:00.000-08:00

This was written to the Logan, Utah newspaper, and was printed, but not put online. The person who wrote it is someone I hold in high regard - we had great conversations about religion, politics and life in Utah, which can be quite unique at times.

I can no longer sit idly by and watch as the HJ Opinion page is turned into a fast and testimony meeting/anti-Mormon forum. I think it’s time for everybody to take a deep breath and recommit themselves to the realities of an ever changing world. Too many have unwittingly committed themselves to living lives of division. Neighborhood’s are divided into ‘members’ vs. ‘non-members’. Even within the LDS church members are constantly being divided into groups to be judged one against the other; ‘active’ vs. ‘inactive’, ‘temple worthy’ vs. ‘not temple worthy’. We even peak over our shoulder to see who is taking the sacrament so we can feel justified in our gossip during our ladies nights while we have Diet Coke chugging contests. The judgment being passed down only leads to resentment from those not outwardly behaving like the social majority expects.
When the early LDS converts were driven out of Missouri, Illinois and all parts of the east and midwest for being different than mainstream society and for practicing peculiar marriages, I wonder if they ever envisioned their great grandchildren establishing themselves only to turn around and become the persecutor of the peculiar minority? Joseph Smith’s early teachings were designed to be a voice of reason in a persecuting mob. When he issued the Articles of Faith, particularly the 11th, I think that was his way of saying ‘allow us to live our lives as we see fit’ or better yet ‘live and let live’. From what I can tell that is what the majority of homosexuals seek...to be left alone. Their in your face attitude is in response to years of the same in your face treatment from religious majorities. Should the saints disengage from this battle outside of the church walls, by adopting a ‘live and let live’ attitude, I believe we would all be able to live separate but equal lives...as dignified as we make them for ourselves.
Religion and government ought to operate as a two way street of respect. At one point in the LDS Church, in 1835 the leaders in Kirtland unanimously voted on, favored and believed it to be appropriate to live religious lifestyles “unless their religious opinions prompt them to infringe upon the rights and liberties of others” (D&C 134:4). I wonder if a similar vote were taken today by current church leaders if the vote would again be unanimous...only this time unanimously opposed to what the early church leaders believed!
The more I think about it the more I can’t think of any reason why a homosexual would make me feel threatened. I’m comfortable in my sexuality. My marriage is strong. Plenty of other ‘evils’ of the world pose legitimate threats to the sanctity of marriage. We can focus individually on those as real temptations come along. The strength or weakness of any marriage is solely determined by the 2 engaged in such a partnership. I do not feel as though any homosexual could force me to change my lifestyle/values/beliefs whether or not they live together or are recognized by the government as a legal couple in California or even down the block.
If the LDS Church truly believes in preserving the sanctity of marriage through legislation like Prop 8, they would also push for propositions on ballots to prohibit alcohol, strip clubs, pornography, and other vices that have led to the termination of more marriages than any homosexual has. The church can and should speak up against what it feels to be evil but the level of commitment, on a secular and political scale, with regards to fighting secular homosexual marriages has led me to believe that the church’s mission on this topic is misguided at best and bigoted at worst.

Big House = Little Interaction?

2011-02-05T03:43:00.000-08:00

http://www.demographia.com/db-intlhouse.htm

Please peruse the above site to see comparisons of house sizes in various countries...look at the U.S. - agh!

I was reading a friend's blog and she wrote of people's questioning her ability to fit 3 children into their small home (seems kind of rude to me to ask that of others, but whatever...). When we brought Sophie home from the hospital our home was a 600 square foot apartment. Oh the gasps of people, the, "How can you live in such a small place?" Well, please ask our neighbors from China who have Mom, Dad, 2 children and Grandma and Grandpa in their unit. Then watch their expression, because it probably means, "Stupid people."

When I did voice to a friend of mine from Japan that I felt our place was small she quickly and rightly put me in my place by telling me that in Japan, her home (ok, she was in a larger unit...more like 1300 square feet) would be considered a palace.

I now live in a 2000 + square foot house and though I like the house overall, it really is quite ridiculous to have 3 people in a home this size. I often feel like we should be housing a few other families who've maybe fallen on hard times. I miss the cozyness of our house in Utah, which was 1800 square feet, but considered small by many. I drive around Jackson and see the houses nearer downtown and wish maybe we'd purchased one of those. Sigh.

The other thing, when we did move from our 600 square foot apartment to our more spacious unit in the same student housing complex, we noticed that less people hung out outside. It's no surprise that when the houses get bigger, there is less neighborhood interaction. Here is an excerpt from an article in Newsweek years ago, by a pizza delivery person: The first few days of each month, one of us drivers would take our turn covering the public-housing developments. These customers did not always tip well, but I always liked seeing the children and adults sitting outside and enjoying the evenings when the weather was nice. The higher-income neighborhoods were much quieter, and I rarely saw neighbors talking to each other.

Of course there are people who buy their larger home because they do want privacy - that's a good thing for them. I just feel like I should've known better - that I like the constant noise of a neighborhood in which people feel so suffocated by the walls in their home they need to escape...to the outside!

The Antithesis of the OTHER Blog

2011-02-02T13:17:00.001-08:00

I have another blog: http://albee-scott.blogspot.com/ dedicated to finding something for which to be happy about every single day. It's a nice little blog and was started because I found myself wallowing in self-pity and needing an attitude adjustment. A professor's words from 20 years ago came to mind, "If you're not happy, fake it and soon you will be." The blog was born and it has given me pause each day to embrace happiness. Yay!

The truth is though, right now I am about as miserable as I've been in a really long time. I want to throw the mother temper tantrums of all time, a temper tantrum that causes a two-year old to pause and give me an approving nod, a temper tantrum that is so inappropriate it will garner me a spot in time-out until the *bleeping* sun comes out! I'll go there with my trashy magazines, memoirs written by film stars, movies starring Steve Carell and a pot of coffee. I'll mutter about the horrors of living in Michigan in winter, the soggy socks, the biting cold and the lack of varied topography (actually, the last one is Steve's gripe, but I'm stealing it). I'll stew and pout and make faces at anyone who even remotely appears to be happy - because how can anyone be happy in this climate?!

Whew, ok, that just made me feel a LOT better. There was no stomping, no voice raising, I didn't even use the bad words that were yelling in my head, I just simply expressed my dissatisfaction. Now the trick is for all of you reading this to take it for what it is - dissatisfaction with Michigan in this moment. I do not hate Michigan, I do not even hate winter as a season - I just hate it right now. In five minutes I might love it - probably not, because it will still be winter, but who knows.

I am now going to watch High School Musical 2 with my most favorite 11-year old and lose myself in the perfectly choreographed moves that can only take place in a cafeteria to make any sense whatsoever! Ha to you, Michigan winter, you cannot defeat me!!

Success

2011-01-22T03:17:00.000-08:00

SUCCESS:

To laugh often and much;
...
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.

This is to have succeeded.

This was posted as a comment to my Facebook status, which also included a quote credited to Emerson.

I would bet that most, if not all, people reading this would agree that success is defined by the above examples and yet, in our society we find it difficult to reward those who do most of these very things every single day: teachers.

When I read this piece I instantly thought of the job teachers have: to bring out the best in their students in a myriad of tasks that require a variety of skills; to manage a group of people who are dealing with a wide range of emotional, physical and intellectual needs; to attend to the aspects of their job that require skills in technology, record keeping, informational distribution, and organization; to communicate effectively with their students, their peers, administrators and parents; to perfect new ways of sharing knowledge using methods that have not been perfected all while...

Wanting to laugh often and much, as that is something that their charges are already very skilled at, but being burdened by the weight of accomplishing the above tasks.

Just the other day my own child said she wanted to be either an actress or a school librarian, because the latter are celebrities. Spend time at an elementary school and you will see that she is right. Why do children grasp the truth in the words of Emerson (or whoever it is that said/wrote these words) so much more easily and readily than adults? How is it that we can all - or almost all - agree that these traits are part of the trodden path of the successful, but we do not want to reward this kind of success with our money?

Now, please don't tell me that teaching is its own reward - yes, one has to see beyond the reward of money to be a good teacher, but I will not believe that any teacher would not be thrilled to receive more money - deserved money.

Maybe it is because of this quote by Peter Drucker: “Teaching is the only major occupation of man for which we have not yet developed tools that make an average person capable of competence and performance. In teaching we rely on the "naturals," the ones who somehow know how to teach.” Maybe we don't see good teachers as having to work hard, we see it as something that comes naturally, as easy, as a given. It is not easy. It is, as stated above, a constant striving, "to find the best in others." If you can do that, in a society that expects you to do that, without the compensation you deserve - thank you.

Guest Writer: Deb

2011-01-18T16:49:00.000-08:00

A huge thank you to Deb, for sharing this experience with me and with those reading this piece. I have the child Deb describes in her first sentence: thoughtful, quiet, introspective type and so I know what it's like to parent that kind of person. I needed to read this and broaden my perspective.

Look At Me! Look At Me! Look at Me!:

Life With Two Kids Who Love Performing

By Deb Renkey

If you would have asked me before I had children which type of child I’d expect

to have, I probably would have said a thoughtful, quiet, introspective type. I would say this because my husband and I are that way. Granted, we have our outgoing, silly, and Type A personality moments, but we are definitely not people who seek the limelight.

Alex has been a ball of energy since I could first feel him kicking during pregnancy. As a baby, he did not sleep anywhere close to what many babies do and was ALWAYS interested in what was going on and wanted to be in the middle of things. As a baby and toddler, he always loved music, wiggling and dancing his way around. With his energy level, I knew we would need an outlet.

I first enrolled Alex as a toddler in tumbling classes at The Little Gym but quickly realized he was not content to just participate. He always wanted the teacher to watch him, along with the other parents and kids in the class. Of course it was a given that I should be watching too!

Thank goodness St. Louis, Missouri is so supportive of the performing arts! There are dance studios, acting classes, camps, music teachers and music studios, plus theaters and performing arts centers with shows ranging from amateur to professional, throughout the metro area. One dance studio, Performing Arts Centre in our part of town, St. Charles, caught my eye because

I saw boys in the advertisement. I didn’t want Alex to be the only boy in a sea of pink tutus.

Long story short, Alex has loved dance since he was 2 ½ and is now in his fifth year, studying ballet, tap, jazz, acro/tumbling, and hip hop. He also plays piano. His other activities outside of school include Cub Scouts and swimming so he’s a busy guy and happy that way. In his spare time, he loves playing with Hot Wheels and other vehicles, Transformers, Legos, reading, and making up characters and plays with Shannon.

Shannon was born a few months before Alex started dance so she has been exposed to dance since she was an infant. As a baby, she would peer in the classroom observation windows or door cracks to see what the dancers were doing in class. She also has high energy like her brother, but she is more of a wiggler than a kicker! Also like her brother, Shannon is happiest when she’s busy.

In addition to dance (she’s in her second year of ballet, tap, hip hop, and tumbling) and piano, Shannon also loves to pose for the camera. One of my husband’s hobbies is photography so he is always taking photos. Shannon happily poses for photos, often striking poses reminiscent of models and actors. She is ALWAYS in character. Be it something from movies (How To Train Your Dragon is her current favorite), something she read, or something made up from her imagination, she is always in dialogue and pestering Alex, Greg, me, or her friends at preschool to play the characters she assigns and follow her script!

Greg and I have talked about getting the kids an agent for years, mostly because they are very outgoing, always want an audience, and love to perform. It doesn’t faze either child to step out on stage in front of (literally) several hundred people at their dance recitals. In fact, they love it and shine onstage.

We put off the decision to pursue an agent until recently. We wanted to make sure Alex and Shannon were old enough to decide for themselves, rather than us deciding for them.

Greg did some research online during the 2010 holiday season, found a talent/modeling agency in St. Louis with an open audition scheduled, and asked both kids if they wanted to try out. Alex said, “No” but Shannon said, “Yes”.

Shannon attended the audition, along with several other kids, varying in age from preschool to high school, and was (in typical Shannon fashion), cute, outgoing, and fearless.

Callbacks to find out acceptance to the agency were the following day and we were floored to find out Shannon, at age 4, was one of only 12 applicants (out of 365 people of all ages) to be accepted! So, now on to the next phase of Shannon’s performance experiences: modeling, and possibly acting.

We are new to the entertainment industry and are learning as much as we can, from the financial, legal, professional, and personal perspectives. Fortunately, our local library has lots of books on the subject (see the “useful resource” list I’ve added below). These are just some of the books that contain a wealth of information on the business of show business.

Like our observations and intuitions suggested, the books I have read indicate Shannon has the right personality type for show business. She loves attention, is outgoing and aggressive enough to perform in front of an audience (large or small), and is willing to do her best, even if it means she doesn’t get the job.

Oh, and before I forget, Shannon loves the song, “There’s No Business Like Show Business”. It sums up the business quite nicely and Shannon doesn’t mind a bit. That’s a good thing. Not all aspiring performers will be stars. If being a star and/or being rich are not your goals, but performing for the love of it are your motivators, then you’re cut out for the work. It seems we are taking the right approach. In other words, we won’t quit our day jobs and Shannon will keep doing her usual activities and school while she pursues this venture on the side.

The best advice I have gleaned from the books I have read is to treat a career in performance like you are in sales. You are the product, marketing yourself and your performance skills, and even the best salespeople experience a lot of rejection before they make a sale final. As they develop a clientele and gain more experience and credibility, salespeople usually earn a decent living. The same is true for actors, models, dancers, or other performers.

Perhaps Alex, once he sees Shannon in action, will want to pursue performance with an agent himself. Perhaps Shannon will tire of auditions and decide to pursue other activities. Perhaps she will do very well in the industry. Whatever the case, we will provide a grounded home life where our kids will have love and stability.

We are curious to see where our kids’ paths will lead! They are colorful people and have certainly spiced up our lives! On with the show!

Useful Show Business Resources

1. Children and the Entertainment Industry, by Karen Miller

Pages 90-157 address children employed in the entertainment

industry; the beginning of the book examines various effects of

entertainment on children as viewers.

2. Wake Me When It's Funny: How to Break into Show Business and Stay

There, by Lori Marshall

Memoir of Garry Marshall; lots of great information throughout the

book.

3. Get That Cutie in Commercials, Television, Films, and Videos: Breaking

Your Talented Child into the Entertainment Industry, by Kandias Conda

Lots of great information throughout the book, geared toward parents.

4. The Business of Show Business: A Comprehensive Career Guide for

Actors and Models, by Cynthia Brian

Great information throughout, with lots of details about union

operations and dues, audition process and tips, etc.

5. An Actor’s Business: How Show Business Works and How to Market

Yourself as an Actor, by Andrew Reilly

The author is a bit jaded but there is a wealth of information in the

book; definitely worth reading.heather.albeescott@gmail.

Bring It On Ben

2011-01-14T03:58:00.000-08:00

"Our limited perspective, our hopes and fears become our measure of life, and when circumstances don't fit our ideas, they become our difficulties." Ben Franklin

I read this quote yesterday and read it and read it.

I know Ben (I feel I can go by his first name) was talking about how we view our own lives, but to me this quote makes me think of how I judge others' circumstances. I have ideas of how a happy life looks and when someone tells me they live their life in a different way, I assume they must not be happy. I absolutely hate this quality about myself. I hate it because I know better.

When I was about 8 years old, a friend from school invited me to her home. Her father worked in the factory of the mill that my father managed. My family lived in a relatively nice house, wall-to-wall green shag carpet, Atari set hooked up to the color tv, 2.5 bathrooms and plenty of space for each person to be in a separate room with rooms remaining. Her home was a one room trailer in which 9 people resided. I don't remember judging the conditions of her home in my 8-year old brain, just taking them in, and I was soon immersed in too much fun to ponder how vastly different her living quarters were from mine.

That day we ran around outside with my friend's 6 brothers, her father showed us how to get sap out of the trees, her mom goofed around with us in the kitchen and something that really sticks out: her father brought her mom a lily for Easter and it was lovely. When my own mother came to pick me up I remember the joy I felt at having spent a day in such a loving environment and how kindly the whole family treated me.

I am sure, nearly 30 years later, that if most adults were to visit such a home, they would probably talk about how sad it is for children to be raised in such conditions and how the parents shouldn't have had so many children when they obviously can't afford to take care of them properly. I don't doubt this family had their struggles, I KNOW they did, but they also had such an abundance of happiness that they were able to let it encompass a visitor - an 8-year old kid who was fortunate to spend the day in their company.

So I read Ben's quote as a way for me to stop looking at the circumstances of other people's lives and judging them against what I have been taught is the ideal standard. It doesn't do anybody any good to feel sorry for them or to think they must not be happy, because they have had difficulties in their life. We all have difficulties and we're all fighting that silent battle of which Plato spoke (Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle) and judging another, tsk-tsking their choices just doesn't open our eyes to the joy and splendor those people do feel. Everyone has difficulties and everyone does amazing things. My hope is to focus more on those amazing things and to judge less those difficulties.

Fifty Years Together: A Riposte to Election Day's Dark Side & Inaugural Myopia...

2011-01-04T04:20:00.000-08:00

This post was written by a new friend in my life, Dani Meier, and its eloquence is apparent, I believe, in the way Dani lives his life. Thank you Dani! There is a link at the bottom to see the post on his blog, which includes beautiful photos.

Several winters ago, my wife and I took our year old son for a long weekend, and escaped the Midwest to New York City, my old home town. A highlight of the visit was reconnecting with old family friends, Frank and Pat, an elderly couple who’ve known me since birth. They were, at that time, 85 and 78 years old respectively, and had been together nearly 50 years, most of which they lived in a Greenwich Village high-rise apartment overlooking NYU and Washington Square, with a stunning Manhattan skyline all around them. After visiting for a while in their apartment, they drove us down to Ground Zero to view the progress on the site since my wife and I had last been there as Red Cross volunteers after 9/11. Sitting in the back seat of their old Cadillac as we headed downtown, they picked on each other as older couples often do over who drives better and about what was the best route to their destination.

“Hurry up and make that light!!! Geez, Frank, you drive so slooowly!”

“And if you were driving on these lousy pot-holed streets,” Pat would respond, “We’d have four flat tires and a broken axle.” With good-hearted smiles, they’d both roll their eyes. Underlying the bickering, their affection was clear.

Frank and Pat are both men.

Frank is a World War II veteran. He joined the army in 1942 and served his country with distinction. After the war, he attended the Sorbonne in Paris on the GI bill and returned to the U.S. to become a teacher. In those days, teachers in his home state of Maine earned $2,000 a year so he went to California where teachers made double that. After a year, however, the death of his father brought him back East where he stayed to help his widowed mother. Following her death, he moved to New York where he worked as a manager in the same company, a loyal employee for forty years.

Pat, meanwhile, is a singer who at 78 still performs regularly in weddings, funerals, and leads the choir in a local church. Now 82, he still does all that. Because it was Easter week and Pat had choir obligations on Thursday, Good Friday, and, of course, Easter Sunday, he had to leave us to rehearse. Frank offered to baby-sit for our son, allowing us a few hours in the city without a stroller, which, as we revisited Times Square at rush hour, was no small gift. Frank offered to baby-sit as much out of his own grandfatherly instincts as out of any generosity towards us. He doted on the baby like the sweetest grandfather one could imagine as he’d doted on me over forty years earlier. I only wish he lived closer so he could be the Great Uncle Frank I know he’d be to all our children.

As the senseless crusade against gay marriage creeps on, like spikes in the Ebola Virus, as abominations like Prop 8 and the Arkansas ban on adoption by unmarried couples erode our American democracy, I think often of Frank and Pat. I don't get how anyone could see people like Frank and Pat as a threat to the institutions of marriage and family. They represent among the best role models I’ve ever known when I think of values like love, commitment, and, yes, marriage. It saddened me then, it saddens and angers me now to contemplate the barriers these two would face if they were young men today, wanting to commit themselves through marriage. Frank and Pat have much to offer many straight couples who may, say, read the bible and have children, but are terrible spouses and awful parents. Marriage, in my book, is about love and commitment, something a lot of us heterosexuals screw up. Marriage is not about exclusion based on whom you love.

Frank and Pat don’t use the word gay to refer to themselves nor can I imagine they ever considered marriage. And though they’ve lived in tolerant communities in Paris and New York, they have always been closeted to the outside world, keeping a low profile when it comes to their relationship. As long as I’ve known them, they’ve kept separate bedrooms and they refer to themselves, at this point, as really good, old friends. Out of respect for their privacy, I include no pictures of them here. And the names are pseudonyms.

I left New York inspired and grateful to have these wonderful human beings in my life who have given so much to their country, their church, their community, each other … and to me personally. To honor all they’ve given, my personal commitment to social justice will always include making this world a place that’s safe, inclusive, and respectful of all people including those who may love differently than I do.

http://daniel-isaac.blogspot.com/2008/12/fifty-years-together-riposte-to.html

Thoughts on Thoughts

2011-01-02T17:13:00.000-08:00

This article was in the local paper in Logan, Utah:

http://news.hjnews.com/news/education/article_97ecb808-1636-11e0-9355-001cc4c002e0.html

I applaud this study by Dr. Twohig, because I am aware of this type of OCD and I can imagine it is quite common in Utah among LDS members. As I've said before, there are many wonderful aspects to the Mormon religion and I was very fortunate to witness and partake in these aspects. I also felt there was the notion among LDS members that if a person lets down their religious guard they may fly off the handle and commit complete atrocities. If a person does not guard their actions and their thoughts, they will be doomed.

As an agnostic, I had friends ask me what kept me from doing "horrible" things and I was baffled, because didn't it seem obvious - I didn't do those things because a) they're against the law and b) they would hurt other people. I was told by my religious friends that if they didn't have their religion, they feared they would do the "horrible" things.

I think religion can add a healthy component to one's life, especially in the offering of a community, but I do not think it should make one feel that without it the person has no control over their actions. To me, that is a belief based in fear, not hope, not love, not joy.

Many religions teach that a thought is as bad as the deed and that is just ridiculous! We all have crazy, random, completely frightening thoughts and most of us can just let that thought ride its course. A person with OCD fixates on the thought, not because they are going to commit the atrocity of which they are thinking, but because to them, in this scenario, having the thought is just as bad as committing the act, so they feel they are already guilty. It saddens me that a religion would teach these things and confine its members in such an unhealthy way.

Yes, we all want to do good things, things that we can dwell on, things that can change the course of our thoughts, but we all will have thoughts of angry revenge, jealous rage, sad suffering and that is completely normal. Our religion should give us comfort when those thoughts prevail, it should not make us feel worse for something of which we ultimately have no control.

Yes, He Was in Night at the Museum

2010-12-29T15:07:00.000-08:00

http://blogs.wsj.com/speakeasy/2010/12/19/a-holiday-message-from-ricky-gervais-why-im-an-atheist/?blog_id=120&post_id=56643

My sister sent me this link and although I still call myself an agnostic, so much of what Gervais states in this piece just makes sense. I'm just not willing to dive into either the belief camp or the non-belief camp.

What I do appreciate is what Gervais points out in the following section, because it should not matter what a person's religious beliefs are, being nice is what we should do whether there is a god or not. I have had friends tell me though, that they felt they would not make "good" choices if they did not have their religious beliefs. Really?

“Do unto others…” is a good rule of thumb. I live by that. Forgiveness is probably the greatest virtue there is. But that’s exactly what it is -‐ a virtue. Not just a Christian virtue. No one owns being good. I’m good. I just don’t believe I’ll be rewarded for it in heaven. My reward is here and now. It’s knowing that I try to do the right thing. That I lived a good life. And that’s where spirituality really lost its way. When it became a stick to beat people with. “Do this or you’ll burn in hell.”

You won’t burn in hell. But be nice anyway.

Nada

2010-12-27T08:41:00.000-08:00

I have nothing - I need someone to write something about an experience they've had that might open up others' eyes - like the homeschooling piece. I don't care about the actual writing style, I just like to share stories that allow people to live vicariously through another and to ponder what that experience may have been like.

So, I don't care who you are, if you have something...anything...that is an experience you've gone through and you'd be willing to share it, please, please do!! (Yes, I am officially begging...)

Just email me: heather.albeescott@gmail.com

Regrets?

2010-12-20T05:16:00.000-08:00

This was the quote on my friend's Facebook page this morning:

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, "It might have been." ---John Greenleaf Whittier

I told Josh I would have to use them for a post, because I think every single person has a story of what might have been....

I'm going to beat a dead horse here and say once again that one reason we did make the move to Michigan even though we were so happy in Utah is because that once Steve was offered the position here, I knew if he turned it down he would always wonder what could have been and I didn't want to live with that. It's true that as soon as he found out about the position he could've said he wasn't interested and then we could've imagined that it wouldn't have worked out, and he was willing to do that, knowing he was happy in Utah, but I'm the one who told him to go for it.

Even while living in Utah there were moments when I wondered about what path our lives would've taken had Steve accepted an offer he had in Arizona, an offer he received the same time as the offer in Utah. I was happy in Utah, so I didn't dwell on it, but I did wonder.

We cannot take every single path laid out for us - we shouldn't...sometimes we need to stick to one path and experience that journey, but I think what directs us too often is fear - fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of rocking the stability for which we've worked so hard to attain. I think when we make decisions out of fear, we later regret those decisions.

One thing that has been happening to many I know of is the exploration of what could've been with people from our past. With Facebook and email, it is very easy now to get back in touch with old boyfriends/girlfriends. I think some people are using this idea of what could've been to alter their lives and although it is tempting, it's wreaking a lot of havoc. I think those relationships we had in the past were meant to stay in the past....and if one has a spouse, children, a family then one needs to realize that choosing not to explore something that yes, may lead to some regret, is done out of love and responsibility. We all wonder about the one who got away or the one who we now find out also had feelings for us many years ago, but there will ALWAYS be temptations in that arena. What I have seen happen with those who've decided to pursue the paths of boyfriends/girlfriends past is that they end up at the same starting point from which they were running - regret, only now it is a regret for what they have done to a person who was in their lives, daily and with a shared past.

So some things we are not meant to find out what could have been, we need to focus on what is...but sometimes we need to step outside of fear and find out what could be when the zone of comfort is left behind.

Guest Writer on Homeschooling

2010-12-17T13:40:00.001-08:00

I asked a dear friend of mine to write this, because I often wonder how she does it - homeschooling. It is something I have thought of taking on, but worry I would fail miserably. I love reading of others' experiences that differ so greatly from mine - thank you to Jessica for writing this and opening my eyes to something of which she has great passion!

Hello! My friend Heather asked me to write something about homeschooling for her blog. Here it goes.

I’ve been homeschooling for almost four years now. If you had asked me exactly four years ago today what I thought about homeschoolers, I’d tell you they were crazy religious nut jobs and control freaks over their kids. I would tell you homeschoolers were weird and with an authority I simply did not have, I would tell you their kids were social rejects. You see exactly four years ago today, I was happy and content with my children’s education. I was a teacher at a wonderful little Catholic school in a small city in the mid-west. This Catholic school was wonderful! It was small-everyone knew everyone else. There was a great deal of love expressed between the kids and faculty and the parents and the faculty. Our school had fabulous support from our parents and grandparents! And year after year, our test scores proved we were a terrific school and that our children were getting the best education in the city! Having all that, I questioned why anyone in the city would homeschool his or her children.

Then one day my hubby came home from work and announced that he had a job offer in Oklahoma City with a Fortune 100 company. It was the exact type of job he wanted and it was too good to turn down. Fine, I thought, we’ll move in May when the school year is over. No. The company wanted us there in two weeks.

My world was turned upside down.

There were three options: hubby could move to OKC and we could stay until the school year was done, hubby could get an apartment in OKC and visit us on weekends, or we all move to OKC. I did not want to be away from my husband, so option “we all move” was the one we chose.

We moved on Valentine’s Day. We moved into an amazing apartment in the center of OKC, began to enjoy city life and started homeschooling, sort of. I was going to homeschool until May, finish up 180 days of schooling as the law requires. Then I was going to get a job at the local Catholic school and the girls would attend that same school. Homeschooling was just going to be a temporary thing.

My wonderful Catholic school let me take all my children’s schoolbooks and their teachers e-mailed me their lesson plans. The Monday following our move, we started homeschooling.

The entire day, two kids, two different grades, took from 8:15am until just before 11 am. On that first day, I sat down with a schedule: prayer and pledge 8:15-8:25, Math 8:30-9:30, Science 9:30-10:00, Language 10:00-10:30, etc. I was shocked at all we could complete in about three hours. I thought it was maybe an “easy” day.

Tuesday, same thing. Yep, done an hour before lunch (scheduled at 11:45 and noon respectively).

Wednesday, yep. You understand.

I began to do something I hadn’t done before as a teacher. I began to look for more things to teach my children. Things to supplement what I was teaching. I began to look for field trip locations, movies, and programs on TV that would help support what I was teaching from their textbooks. Experiments that I’ve always wanted to do came to my mind. To say I haven’t done it before probably makes me look like a bad schoolteacher. But to tell you the truth, there simply isn’t enough time to teach those extra things during the school year. That’s so sad for me to acknowledge now.

From February until May, we finished our Catholic school year. All 180 days. School never went beyond 11:30 am. We did field trips 2-3 times a week to add to our school year.

The girls loved it.

I loved it.

We moved out of the apartment and into a lovely home. We quickly learned our neighbor homeschooled. And the neighbor across the street. And another neighbor the next street over. I joined two on-line local homeschool support groups, both with over 2000 families. And I decided in August 2007, that I was a homeschooler. I wasn’t a religious freak. I wasn’t a control freak. My girls weren’t weird. My girls weren’t anti-social. We weren’t weirdoes.

Fast forward to November 2010. We have a classroom in the house (I turned our mother-in-law suite into a classroom after WAY too many of my hubby’s mooching friends camped out at our new house). It has a computer, lots of maps and posters plastered on the walls, a bookshelf full of a variety of books, a large table and three business chairs. We start school at 10am, which is usually about 15 minutes after my girls wake up. We have breakfast in the classroom, usually milk with fruit,cheese, and something crunchy like pretzels or pita chips or nuts. We work for 2-
2.5 hours straight, then break for lunch. Tuesday afternoon is for piano, Friday afternoon is from drama, and there is usually one afternoon during the week spent on a field trip with our local homeschool group or at a social gathering. The social gatherings range from paintball or laser quest to board game day to Wii challenges to just girls getting together at the park, mall or someone’s house. At night, the girls must spend at least half an hour reading. And by 4 pm on Friday, all the week’s work must be done or we’ll have Saturday school.

What do I teach? My curriculum varies each year. There are hundreds of public school and homeschool curriculum companies to choose from. And if I wanted to, I could literally get school in a box-order a box for seventh grade and a box for eighth grade that would include everything I need: lesson plans, worksheets, textbooks, tests and answer booklets. But I like to pick and choose my own curriculum. Sometimes I use Saxon Math (like many schools) or Sonlight History and Science (like many homeschoolers). I also like to pick my own curriculum from various companies because my girls’ abilities vary with each subject. Sophie, an “8th” grader, is doing high school Algebra II, tenth grade language and vocabulary, Japanese (I) and Spanish III on Rosetta and a wonderful history program. Since she completed her middle school history requirements I created a history course just for her-studying amazing women in history that aren’t in many textbooks. She’s studying Hatshepsut, Boudicca, Mary Magdalene, Hypatia, Empress Wu, Joan of Arc and Marie Currie just to name a few of the dozen she’ll study. My “7th” grader, Ashley, is doing high school Algebra I, ninth grade language and vocabulary, French
I, Spanish III, and a history program that bases much of history in story and a lot of art (her favorite). If you were to ask my youngest who is Napoleon III? She’d likely give you a blank stare (as I’m guessing many others would, too). But if I were to ask about art in Paris 1820-1880, she’d then remember “that guy” and what he did, along with numerous artists. By the end of this school year, Ashley will have completed her middle school requirements, too. As a reward, I will let her choose any time or people in history to study and I will create a history program for thatchoice. Instead of allowing this 8th grade year history choice, I could have pushed towards high school history programs, but I decided to do something special for them. It has been fun for Sophie and me this year and I look forward to my yearwith Ashley.

Both my girls receive health and science lessons largely via television programs. There, I wrote it. I use the TV to educate my girls. I use many of the amazing programs on the Science, History, National Geographic, and Travel channels for our health and science requirements THIS YEAR. We’ve done intro to Chemistry, Physics and Biology with the use of textbooks and home labs (per middle school requirements). The next step will be science with larger labs, which I will likely use a co-op for that. Back to my previous statement, the TV can be an incredibly valuable tool. In fact today, we watched a fascinating program on Mt. Vesuvius, which lead to a lengthy discussion about Pompeii, weather and earthquakes.

What’s a co-op? It’s a large group of homeschoolers that meet once or twice a week at a local facility (often a church) and the children attend classes taught by homeschool parents. It’s a great way for your kids to get together with other kids. It’s also a wonderful help to parents that might be weak in one subject matter and would prefer to have another parent teach their child. Co-ops are also beneficial forclasses that are best taught in larger groups like P.E., dance or a science with lab. I might even use a co-op next semester for math for my girls since it’s not a strong subject for me and I find them far outpacing my skills.

And the question running through everyone’s mind right now…do I test? Not really, nope. As far as typical testing goes, I only test in math. For our other subjects, to acknowledge their learning, I require small essays or oral examinations. Why do teachers test in schools? Because testing lets them know who is learning, how they are learning, and how she/he may teach the material in the future. Teachers have to test also because they simply don’t have the time to personally explore if every child is learning. The test explains that for her.

Will we homeschool through high school graduation? I don’t know. I question the girls twice a year if they want to continue with homeschooling. So far they still want to be homeschooled. Sophie thinks she wants to try out high school, but she’s not sure. Ashley loves doing school in her PJs and nothing is going to change that for her! I want to continue to homeschool through high school with a hope to have them in some college classes before graduation. My husband wants them to “experience” high school. Just for the record, hubby loved high school-he was
king of the hill. Me? Ugh! Those are four years I want to bury in the back of my memory. However, I will leave the choice in the hands of my girls.

Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed my book on homeschooling. In closing, I’d like to add that I’m not against public schools (or private). I think America is the best country in the world to be educated in, especially if you are born female. “So, why aren’t your kids in public school?” Because putting them into public school would just be like moving them again-making it another time during their childhood when they’d have to say good-bye to friends and make new friends. And it’s not necessary. We’re happy, it works, and it’s legal.

Thanks for reading.

Thoughts on Marriage...

2010-12-13T15:47:00.000-08:00

While Steve, Soph and I were living in Utah it dawned on me that we were living my dream. I felt like Steve's teaching at the high school was a service calling, I was involved with a few non-profits in the community and volunteering at Soph's school and Sophie had the experience of being a minority and learning what all of that entailed. I also remember realizing that it probably wasn't as fulfilling for Steve as it was for me.

Steve loved his job teaching in Utah, but I knew there was a part of him that wanted to be back in a college setting. I see how happy he is now and again, I think he was happy in Utah, but it's a different type of fulfillment for him here, another challenge.

What do you do when one spouse wants to be in one geographical location and one needs to be in another? I think both Steve and I will carry Utah in our hearts, but he has adapted to our lives in Michigan, because he has found fulfillment. I know I can too, but it makes me think of my friends who have dealt with this - choosing to live in one spouse's preferred town/state/country.

Marriage is a partnership that spans many years, which means it will inevitably bring changes to both people and sometimes those changes just don't match up. I can see how life would be simpler in many ways if I just sought my own fulfillment, lived where I wanted to live, did what I wanted to do, but life isn't about easy and marriage isn't either - it's about a commitment to something that is continually growing - just as one does in life.

Thankfully

2010-11-25T04:35:00.000-08:00

Today I woke up with that familiar ache that has found a home in my heart recently. I miss Utah so much and find my mind wandering to that place that questions why we made this move - a dangerous, but familiar place. I am the queen of second-guessing and I can drag out the process for quite awhile. This move has brought such a variety of emotions and sometimes I feel like I just want my brain to stop, to stop pining away for what was and to stop worrying about what might be.

Since today is a day about being thankful I do realize how blessed I am. I have an amazing husband who would have stayed in Logan if I had asked him to, but who has so much to give and share and I am grateful that I get to be on this journey with him. I have a daughter who has taught me more about the important aspects in life than anyone or anything. Just yesterday I read a story she is working on and I was in complete awe of her abilities - my god, this child came from me?! This child did not want to leave Logan either and yet smiles about something each and every day!

I have a home which has heat, lights, and is surrounded by beauty outdoors. I am healthy and able to run, skip, throw a ball, wrap my arms around loved ones. I have a job that allows me to laugh with children, share their joy and share knowing smiles with the parents who love them, but might feel just a bit overwhelmed at times. I get to leave my job each day with my favorite 10-year old who peppers our drive home with her stories and I know the characters of whom she is speaking!

I have the ability to constantly learn and strive for improving my life and the lives of those around me. I can be kind, I can find something wonderful in every life I encounter and I can say I love you to people in my life who will say the same to me. I have so much and of those things I am sorely missing, I have wonderful memories that wrap around me like a blanket and in their making I have lost nothing. I am thankful for the awareness I have that life is constantly changing, and in those changes come moments that need to be savored.

One of my favorite pieces in literature, from Our Town by Thornton Wilder: But, just for a moment now we're all together. Mama, just for a moment we're happy. Let's really look at one another!...I can't. I can't go on.It goes so fast. We don't have time to look at one another. I didn't realize. So all that was going on and we never noticed. Take me back -- up the hill -- to my grave. But first: Wait! One more look. Good-bye , Good-bye world. Good-bye, Grover's Corners....Mama and Papa. Good-bye to clocks ticking....and Mama's sunflowers. And food and coffee. And new ironed dresses and hot baths....and sleeping and waking up. Oh, earth,you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you. Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every,every minute?

Happy Thanksgiving. Life is good!

Thoughts From a Facebook Post

2010-11-24T04:04:00.000-08:00

I made a comment on my Facebook page about Sarah Palin after watching her show on TLC:

I did it - I watched Sarah Palin's Alaska show and she seems like a nice person - I didn't find her annoying and I did envy her rock climbing ability - she is a strong person.

The comments I received afterward didn't shock me and knowing how much I like a good controversy, I know I did bring them on myself. What I gathered from the comments was that my poorly-formed opinion of Sarah Palin was due to the media ability to portray Palin in a light that is not accurate - that Sarah Palin is in fact evil. I felt for a moment that maybe I better jump back on the Sarah Palin-bashing wagon, for fear of seeming idiotic, but I just didn't think that anymore. I have said things about Sarah Palin before that resonated with the "Sarah Palin is evil" tone, but seeing her on tv, trying to be a good mom (which is so hard!) and climbing a mountain, well, I just saw her differently and wanted to express that.

The incident reminded me of my interactions with the Mormons in Utah. There were times when people would tell me: of course the Mormons are being nice, they just want to suck you in (I'm paraphrasing, but I think that was the gist). I was definitely skeptical of the niceness at first, but as time went by and my Mormon friends attended church services with me and engaged in very open and candid dialogues, I realized that I had to love these people for what I knew of them, which was a kindness that extended beyond religious differences.

Here's the thing, I think that before I really knew any Mormons I could say they were conniving, just being nice to bring people into their fold, not willing to attend any church service other than their own, but once I got to know, really know, some Mormons, I couldn't honestly say those things. That was my experience. I knew my Mormon friends as more than just Mormons, they were mothers, fathers, community members, students, teachers...people. I wanted them to see me as more than just being not Mormon and that meant I had to do the same. I wanted them to see me as a nice person and when I did the same, well, they were really nice!

I guess I'm wondering how much of how we view others is about those people versus ourselves. I am in no way saying that people who view another as evil are actually evil themselves, but that there is something which keeps us from getting to know the whole person. I am guilty of this every single day. I see someone and instantly stereotype them and then use that stereotype to justify not interacting with them. What a shame. I'm probably missing out on meaningful interactions with a lot of nice people.

Bits & Pieces

2010-11-20T03:28:00.000-08:00

I really have nothing flowing from my brain that I can put into a coherent and flowing post, but there are things circling and burbling:

a conversation with my 90+-year old friend who talked of feeling isolated and the realization that many of us feel isolated, which goes along with...
a conversation with my neighbor from Kenya about how people are happier in Kenya than the U.S. because of a stronger sense of community
an observation that people with the liberal peace, love and happiness bumper stickers often seem the most aloof
a realization that I need to read more classics after seeing the BBC Greatest 100 Books of All Time list again
a hope Sophie likes her volunteer gig at the nature center and remembering my first volunteer stint and how I messed up a piano piece I played at a nursing home when I was 10, but was told it was quite beautiful and then realized that doing service is awesome, because it does not have to be perfect
a desire to see the movies 127 Hours and Harry Potter
an excitement over meeting someone today I've not met in person yet, but with whom I've befriended on Facebook
an acknowledgment of my method of procrastination through blogging, since I really should be running right now

Work vs. Home

2010-11-12T03:30:00.001-08:00

I was struck yesterday by a friend's comment that she didn't want to work during her daughter's teen years, because her mother did and it was hard on my friend. It led me to wonder why it was hard on my friend and how the choice to work or not work really affects our children.

I honestly believe that happy and fulfilled parents raise children who are more secure. People find fulfillment in different ways. I love working part-time and being home with Soph after school - I feel like I get the best of both worlds. I also see how quickly Sophie's time with us goes by - she is nearly 11 years old, just 7 more years until she is 18. There are times I would like to be working full-time to secure more income, but the truth is, I don't like working full-time and I didn't like it pre-Sophie.

Parents - what paths did you and your partner take and what benefits/downfalls do you see?

He Said, She Didn't Say

2010-11-09T04:06:00.000-08:00

In this post I will be making some sweeping generalizations, but they are based on my observations - which are not at all scientific.

Yesterday Steve and I both accompanied Soph to the dentist and while Soph was getting her teeth cleaned, I was telling the hygienist how we try to get the tartar off Soph's teeth, but it still built up despite our very concerned parental efforts. Steve jumped in with, "She's worried you'll think we're bad parents." I was about to snicker and deny that, when the hygienist very kindly said she didn't think we were bad parents. Wow - how easy was that? My fear laid right out there, by my hubby, and then vanquished!

This is not the first time I have been in awe of my husband's blatant honesty and the results it brings. While he was in graduate school he came home very late (common occurrence at that time) and told me of a falling out he had with his colleague/very good friend. I listened in shock as he relayed the language they used in communicating their frustrations and when he was done, I simply responded, "Wow, you guys have been so close. How sad." Without missing a beat, Steve said, "We'll be fine," and they were. They put it all on the table in very colorful language and then moved past it.

My observation is that women tend to lean away from the uncomfortable, even when it is obvious. The result from this seems to be unnecessary anguish and a whole lot of talking behind others' backs.

I've been watching reruns of Sex & The City lately and if you followed that show you may remember the episode in which Berger tells Miranda that a guy who did not call her the next day is just not that into her and how freeing she found his honesty. Her girlfriends were trying to comfort her by giving her a myriad of reasons for the guy's behavior - none being that he might not have liked her.

Planning versus Reality

2010-11-04T06:44:00.001-07:00

I know it takes time to adjust to a move and I keep telling myself that in 3 years I'll feel like Jackson is home, or will at least feel familiar with it enough to not long for the familiarity of Logan. This line of thinking also made me realize that:

6 months ago I never would've guessed I'd live in a subdivision
1 year ago I did not imagine residing in Michigan again
5 years ago I didn't think we'd actually live in Logan, UT again - and love it!
6 years ago I did not know I would count Texas as a place I resided (what's up with these conservative states?!)
10 years ago I thought by this point I would have another child
15 years ago I didn't know that we would live in Ann Arbor and I would get to parent an amazing daughter
20 years ago I was a senior in high school, determined to enter the Peace Corps and teach high school English with a passing thought to a possible marriage and family

So although I am trying to comfort myself with the idea that in 3 years I'll feel comfortable with our residence, I have to realize that I really have a limited idea of what is in store.

Pro-Awareness

2010-10-30T04:49:00.000-07:00

The Pro-Life movement is alive and well in the town we now call home. There are signs for mass prayer events to end abortion and clinics to counsel women on making the "right" choice. I tend to roll my eyes when I see such things, but I realize this is a topic that involves a lot of emotion for many people. I do not expect to change anyone's well-established opinion in this area, but I'd like to tell why I believe in a person's right to choose.

Raising a child is hard! When I became a mother I realized how ill-prepared for the task I was and I was in a committed relationship, somewhat financially stable, employed, and I had access to top-notch health care. I remember looking at my daughter as a baby and the knowledge that this was a lifetime responsibility overwhelmed me. I could not resign from this position, I could not try it out and change my mind...I couldn't even leave this person for a quick trip to the coffee shop to refuel whenever I felt like it. Aspects of my life were the same and yet, this new presence seemed to change everything.

Fast forward 10 years and although I feel more comfortable in my role as a mom, it is still hard. Life's changes occur (moving, new jobs, new people in our lives) and every time I make a decision I have to think of how that decision affects another person. The realization that I am responsible for raising a human being is still so daunting. I am extremely thankful that other positive influences have been part of my daughter's life, because I am a flawed person and my hope is that my daughter will learn from a multitude of people and make good choices for her (my good choices are not always going to be her good choices).

If a person, for whatever reason, does not feel up to the task of this job, the job of being a parent, then I hope they can make a choice that is best for them before it is too late. Having an abortion or putting a child up for adoption is painful and yet, it allows a person to walk away from the daily responsibilities of being a parent. Having a child and keeping a child does not allow one to just walk away (I realize people do walk away from their children and I assume the pain the child feels is something I cannot even put into words and I do not think an adult who walks away from their child ever forgives themselves).

I do not know when a life begins. I do know miscarriages occur and they are horribly sad and many times they are not even known by a woman. I do not know what lies ahead for us after death, though I do not believe in punishment by a higher power for choosing not to bring a pregnancy to term. I do realize many people's opinions on this matter are formed by their spiritual and religious beliefs.

I hope that all people will practice sexual intimacy using protection when a pregnancy is not desired, but I realize that it is not realistic and I realize that some people do use protection and still become pregnant. I believe education is important and yet, as a parent, I realize that no amount of education prepares a person for becoming a parent and that most 16-year olds can barely look past the events of the weekend, much less fifteen years down the road when their baby is a teenager.

Many people will have children, thinking of how fun having a baby will be or because they feel pressured by society, their friends, their families. Those people may later regret their choice. A person who is uncertain of their abilities to become a parent (and I think every soon-to-be-parent falls into this category) may later be grateful they chose to become a parent, even when society, their friends, their family, said they shouldn't do it. What I want is for a person who is aware that becoming a parent is not right for them to be able to make a choice when a choice is still to be made.

Pet Peeve

2010-10-23T09:21:00.001-07:00

Last night at an event I told someone of our moves and how we just arrived back in Michigan after living in Texas and Utah. Her response was, "Aren't you glad to be back in Michigan?" I shrugged and said it was ok. She commented on how she could not live in Texas and then I pointed out that Utah is beautiful and she agreed. Here's what gets me....I inquired of her places of residence and there was nothing outside of Michigan.

This bugs me, because if you haven't lived anywhere BUT Michigan, how can you be so certain it is that great? We use to get this in Texas, people saying how happy we must be to live there and my thought was, "Really? You think TEXAS is all that??"

You know why I probably liked Utah so much? People actually realized it was not the end-all be-all of the universe and when I said we lived in other places, people wanted to hear about those other places. I am sure living in one place one's whole life has some great aspects to it, but it does not give a person the authority to compare it to living in other places.

Judge Not Lest....

2010-10-17T05:56:00.000-07:00

Help me out here: do people really feel so confident with their choices in life that they can put others down and not worry that the same can be done of them?

I recently read a Facebook status that questioned a parent's supervision of their child. The comments following were so vicious, that although I didn't agree with the parent's choice as I read it to be, I found myself wanting to defend the parent. What really baffled me was that the people commenting didn't seem concerned that the tables could be turned - that someone could so harshly judge a situation they handled and with only partial information. Ok, now I'm judging those who made the comments.

I have definitely done my share of gossiping, putting others down and not gathering all the facts before making a judgment call. I realize this and I seriously want to improve in this area. I also really do acknowledge that people can see me do something and make a snap judgment, but if they were to talk with me and find out why I made the choice I did, they might make a different call.

Where does this need to judge others so harshly come from? Do these judgments we make keep us from trying to understand people? Does putting another person down make us feel better about the choices we're making?

*I am also working on not ending sentences with prepositions, as I've done above, but sometimes it just sounds better to end a sentence with a preposition.

Words from Wilde...Again

2010-10-10T15:01:00.000-07:00

I've said it before, Oscar Wilde is my go-to guy for observations on life. Sadly, based on the quote by him copied below, I guess he and I never could have been friends. We couldn't have met up for coffee, strolled and discussed our philosophies on life, gone to the latest independent film. Much of what I've read about Wilde deals with his homosexuality and I wonder, doesn't our society allow for men and women to be friends if one, or both, is gay? Doesn't that make it ok? What if a woman is gay, can she then not be friends with other women? How do we feel when our partners have a friend that could be competition?

“Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.”

Cue the Theme from Love Story

2010-10-07T17:25:00.000-07:00

A friend posted this on his Facebook page and ahhh, it made me wonder and think: What is it about our first loves?

TEN years ago, my high school sweetheart and I liked to pretend we were disaffected expatriates living in some crumbly postwar foreign capital. In reality, we lived in an affluent New York City suburb.

Fortunately there was English class, where our teacher assigned “The Sun Also Rises,” Hemingway’s 1926 novel about American and British expats who booze their way through Parisian cafes and Spanish bullfights.

Devouring the book, we thought the protagonist, Jake Barnes, a twentysomething American reporter, and his hot-and-cold lover, Lady Brett Ashley, were pretty cool. They were always visiting interesting places and discussing the meaning of life, or lack thereof. And even though their lives were a little messy, they always spoke so insightfully!

Sure, we concluded, Barnes, Lady Brett and other Lost Generation all-stars had dependency, identity, and substance-abuse issues. But in other ways, they seemed like the sort of people we’d be happy to be like when we grew up. They were adults, but they were much cooler than most of the adults we knew.

The summer after my freshman year of college, my girlfriend and I traveled to France and Spain together, Hemingway style, picnicking on the Seine and sipping wine with Basques in San Sebastián. After the trip, we corresponded via telegram-style letters and e-mail messages that went something like this:

Dearest Jake: Can’t bear staying apart. Stop. Please visit after exams. Brett.

Brett Darling: Will come on Greyhound Saturday. Stop. Arriving 6:40 p.m. All my love. Jake.

I was pretty sure I would marry her, just not anytime soon. I also assumed — taking my cues from Hemingway, Maugham and Fitzgerald — that I had years of globetrotting to do before I’d consider settling down with anyone.

The next summer she and I worked in California. On weekends we’d cruise to the Henry Miller Library, an oceanside hangout named after the footloose novelist. It was fun to gaze at the Pacific and quote him to each other.

My own travels would begin to feel Milleresque: That fall I went to Buenos Aires; the following spring, I volunteered on a coffee farm in Mexico; that summer my girlfriend and I traveled to Montana, where I had landed a job baking pies at a roadside cafe.

Thinking of Hemingway’s Ketchum, Idaho, I had looked for a beautiful place where I could write and fish. The cafe owners said they also had work for my girlfriend — they needed line cooks.

In Montana, we were happy living under big skies, among friendly strangers and away from the East Coast. But our cabin was cramped and mouse-infested, and my girlfriend — a vegetarian — quickly tired of grilling burgers.

We quit after six weeks and headed east in her car. The ride felt like a defeat. I broke off the relationship because I was restless. Stop.

More than a year passed before we met for pizza on a dreary November afternoon in Boston. I had come down for the weekend from Vermont, where I was starting to write for a newspaper, to attend a journalism conference.

She was thinking of applying to law school; I wanted to go abroad again. There was no spark between us, but I attributed that to bad timing, figuring we would eventually rekindle our romance in a different place and context. The fact that I didn’t know where or how seemed kind of exciting.

Three springs later, I quit my newspaper job and spent the summer wandering around China and Southeast Asia. I settled in Hanoi, Vietnam, partly because its sidewalk cafes, French-designed boulevards and bustling expat social scene reminded me of books I had read about postwar Europe.

I spent the fall and winter drinking coffee, writing travel stories, scratching away at a novel and dating women from other countries. Soon I would be learning the ropes at a European news agency, playing tennis with diplomats and feeling expatriated in a good, adventurous, Hemingway sort of way.

But I still thought fondly of my first love. From what she’d told me over the phone before I left the United States, I knew she had started law school. I resisted that plotline: I sensed that someday she would decide to come find me.

I hadn’t seen her in three years. Two months after my 26th birthday, I mailed her a letter: Living abroad was fun, I wrote, but I missed her, and I wanted to see her the next time I came home to visit.

She replied via e-mail that she couldn’t see me: she had a boyfriend, and she was happy.

Ouch. I hadn’t been pining for her per se, but I was upset that she didn’t seem to need to see me in the same way I felt I needed to see her. Also: what boyfriend? I had assumed that, like me, she had been drifting through lovers as one floats among so many ocean swells.

Then she e-mailed to say that she was in Washington, D.C. — Did I want to meet up?

I did. A few weeks later, I hoisted my backpack, hailed a motorbike taxi outside my apartment and began a five-week odyssey of work and travel that would take me from Hanoi to Moscow to Paris to Reykjavik to New York. Along the way I strolled the Luxembourg Gardens, ate crepes by the Seine, reported a story from Rouen, slept in departure lounges and on friends’ couches, rode Amtrak to Vermont, paddled a canoe across an Adirondack lake and caught a train back to the city, where in Chinatown I boarded a southbound bus.

The next day, a sweltering Wednesday, I finally arrived at my destination: the entrance of a Washington Metro station, where my high school sweetheart, in a black skirt and silver blouse, looked more beautiful than I remembered. We ducked into a Mexican restaurant and ordered beers to steady our trembling hands.

She said she had been dating the same guy for three years. I had met him once at a party but I wouldn’t remember. Anyway, now they were living together. She liked law school and had never felt so settled — in a good way.

“What about you?” she asked.

My throat crackled. I had been kidding myself assuming that I would marry this woman: We had each followed roads that the other had no interest in taking, and now she was in love with someone else.

Still: She was looking at me so prettily over the guacamole that I felt like whisking her away. Dearest Brett: Let’s start over together in Mexico City. Jake.

“Let’s have another drink,” I said.

We split the bill — it was almost half a month’s rent in Hanoi — and found a table at a high-ceilinged German brewpub on the next block. The lighting was dimmer there. Loosening up under the alcohol, I said the kind of playful, witty things I knew would make her smile.

Laughing, she said she wanted to hear more about my expat life. “A wire service in Southeast Asia?” I recall her saying. “I imagine you wearing one of those silly reporter hats with the wrap-around brim.”

We left the bar and walked toward the Metro. She pointed out that the station was closing in five minutes. She wasn’t inviting me to come home with her. She joked that she would be sure to send me one of those silly — —

When she noticed that I was crying, she hugged me as one holds a child who has scraped a knee. I held her hands and realized that the next time I saw her — if I ever were to see her again — she would probably be wearing a ring. She might even be a mother.

I dried my eyes on my T-shirt. A janitor was cleaning up. Otherwise we were alone. I scratched my sandals against the pavement. Perhaps I wanted to keep standing there because I had been traveling too much. Or maybe I sensed that I wouldn’t be back. Two or three minutes passed.

FOR the first half of my 20s, the Rest of My Life had appeared to wait patiently. And time, like a gift certificate, seemed like something I could hold on to and cash in later. But that night I felt as if the rest of my life was already upon me. Time was short, and I couldn’t think of anything to look forward to.

I grasped for something winning to say. Nothing came. I was drunk. She walked into the station and didn’t look back.

For a dizzy moment I considered chasing her down that escalator. Dearest Brett: Am lonely without you. Stop. Come to Hanoi. Mike.

The escalator stopped and the trains left. I walked on. I suppose I had my own connections to make.

Written by Mike Ives

See No Evil

2010-10-02T06:01:00.000-07:00

Our daughter takes a class at a local art school and I absolutely, 100% love the exposure she gets to the craft as well as the exposure to the various art pieces in the building.

Sitting outside her class last week I ended up chatting with a couple adults about a painting in our children's classroom that depicted 2 adults about to engage in sex. I haven't seen the painting, but talked about it with Sophie and she nonchalantly said, "Oh yeah, I've seen stuff like that before. I think it was from another country." Hmmm, so to her, not a big deal. Again, I haven't seen the actual painting, but it has caused me to wonder:

How, as a parent (or if not a parent, just speculate), do you determine what is appropriate for your child to see? Are you the type that will absolutely not let them see a PG-13 film until they are actually 13 or are you more like me, you check why it's rated PG-13 and use your own criteria to determine if your child can see it before they are actually 13? Do you keep your child out of any art museum that has a nude sculpture? Why is nudity such a big deal anyway - it is how we all enter this world - ok, I like to think that I'm so nonchalant about it, but the reality is, I'm not...I didn't fall that far from my protestant upbringing and how will my views affect those of my child?

Just so ya know, I do plan on actually checking out the painting in question - I just didn't want the teacher to think I was a weirdo prudish parent....so I have to check it out as if I'm not checking it out...and preferably when nobody else is in the room in case I blush.

Committing the Crime of Comfort Seeking

2010-09-29T04:17:00.000-07:00

The lust for comfort murders the passions of the soul. -Khalil Gibran

Was Gibran right?

*My sister read from Khalil Gibran's The Prophet at our wedding:

On Marriage
Then Almitra spoke again and said...
"And what of Marriage, master?"
And he answered saying:

You were born together,
and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when the white wings
of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the
silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea between
the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous,
but let each of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone
though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together.
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress
grow not in each other's shadow.

When I Was a Kid...

2010-09-22T11:34:00.000-07:00

Steve and I were discussing the school of choice option so many parents have today. It's a wonderful thing - sometimes.

When we moved to Michigan and found out Jackson offered this option, we looked into a few of the public schools in the city and in the county. We ended up choosing the school our daughter would've gone to if this option weren't given. Although the school fit our criteria in other ways, one thing we really liked is how close it is to our home and that there would be other kids in the neighborhood attending the same school (though given the school of choice option, we were not certain of this).

I grew up in a very small town in Wisconsin and you either went to the public school or the Catholic school and only to the latter if you were actually Catholic. There was not a lot of diversity in my classes, most kids were from working class families with similar religious beliefs, hobbies and educational levels. I think racial diversity did not exist at all except for the one Spanish speaking student I can remember and my own best friend whose mom was from Greece. I never heard my parents talk about test scores, activities, programs, diversity or anything beyond the 2 parent/teacher conferences they attended each year for my first 7 years of formal schooling.

When we moved to Pennsylvania as I entered the 7th grade my parents purposely bought a home in the "best" school district around. Since I was from small town Wisconsin, I did not fit in very well in my new digs and sadly, I never took advantage of the programs offered. (Again, not a lot of diversity...) My parents absolutely did what they thought was right, but back then "best" was defined only by test scores.

Nowadays we still have the neighborhood schools, but we also have charter schools, private schools, religious schools, homeschooling and co-ops. How do we decide which school to send our child to? Do we want to find a school that is the best fit for our child and in doing so, are we setting them up to be less able to adapt to various settings? Does choosing a school become more important as our child gets older and their interests are developed?

Signs are Everywhere

2010-09-21T17:05:00.000-07:00

We noticed a sign outside a store in Jackson today that read: If you need it, we may have it. This led us to discussing our other 2 favorite signs:

Also found in Jackson on a church marquee: Prayer is the ultimate internet.

No longer around, but once advertising for a go-kart place in Utah: If you ride them, you will have fun.

Harmless Little Fantasy

2010-09-17T11:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was asked about my interest in a job based on the misconception that I speak multiple languages. It pained me to have to tell the person that not only am I not multi-lingual, I am barely proficient in one language and one language only.

I often fantasize about being able to tell people that I speak 8 languages (I think I came to the number 8, because of knowing a person who speaks 7 and I have to one up this person). I imagine the shock and awe on people's faces when they hear of my amazing abilities to converse in so many languages, and of course I so humbly tell them of it, not wanting to brag. The modesty on my part is a pivotal part of the fantasy.

The reality is I have no desire to spend the hours upon hours it would take to master another language, I just want to be able to say that I speak another language. It's like my desire to tell people I have a doctorate in Russian Literature (which of course would go with my ability to speak, read and write Russian) - I have no true interest in this subject, I just want the bragging rights.

Am I the only person that has these fantasies? Are there people out there who HAVE accomplished major feats and fantasize that they accomplished something else? The truth is, if you tell me what it is you fantasize being able to tell others I will inevitably try to one up you. If you tell me your fantasy is to tell people that you climbed Mt. Everest, then mine will become climbing Mt. Everest backwards...while conversing with everyone coming down the mountain...in their native language.

Baby Needs a Blackberry

2010-09-15T08:41:00.000-07:00

I am a complete hypocrite and admit it. One day I'm complaining that kids today are overscheduled and then we move to another state and I sign Sophie up for 2 classes to be taken after school. I justify my choice by saying it's because she does not get homework at her new school and it's a great way for her to meet new people.

My opinion on this topic vacillates and what I think is always based on my own circumstances. I love when Sophie takes classes because then I get to meet other parents, I get out of the house, I can read or go for a walk while she's in her class and it makes me feel like an involved parent (even though the classes she now takes are usually without the accompaniment of a parent). If Sophie isn't signed up for anything at the moment I then think we're such great parents because we let our child relax after school, we encourage her to be creative in finding her own modes of entertainment and she has time to play with friends.

Are kids today overscheduled? Is Sophie really benefiting from the classes? Do parents sign their kids up for so many activities because our world really is that different from when we were growing up?

And to end, a quote: “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” Friedrich Nietzsche

She Said What?

2010-09-10T07:34:00.000-07:00

I've been mulling over a personal situation and I hesitate to write about it, I do not want to make the situation worse, and yet, I'm hoping I can put something out there and get a bit of productive feedback.

In the past 18 months I've been accused of spreading rumors - hurtful rumors. Those who know me know I have a big mouth and I love chatting with a lot of people, so it wouldn't seem at all unlikely that I would be chatting about other people. The truth is that yes, I do sometimes say things I shouldn't or I don't speak up when I should. The other truth is that I do not purposely say things that are malicious (ok, Steve is the one person I do not censor myself with at all and that is because I trust him and know he takes everything I say with about a cup of salt).

What I've been mulling over is that in both scenarios I was accused instead of asked. This makes me think of the times I've heard that someone has said or done something and I take it as truth without checking with the person of whom it is being said. I know I've misjudged or too quickly judged others unfairly and the lesson I hope to take from this is to always check with the person who supposedly said or did whatever it was that is in question.

I also realize that there just isn't much I can do about people saying I said something or misinterpreting what I did say. I put myself out there and at first I contemplated just ceasing involvement with others to eliminate such situations, but I do not want to live in fear or not live because of fear. There will be times my sentiments will be misconstrued and times I will say something I shouldn't have - but hopefully those will pale in comparison to the times I can use my words to better a situation.

People talk about others, that's reality. I like to think that most people, even if they say unkind words about others are not really out to hurt anyone. They are expressing their opinion based on the filter they use to view life. It definitely can be hurtful to hear that someone has said something about you, but again, question the source and question the person who supposedly said it - unless the person just isn't someone you choose to have in your life, then let it roll.

What's In a Name?

2010-09-08T04:19:00.000-07:00

I admit, it is a bit of a pain to have to spell out my last name and to say, "hyphen" while doing so. Why did our family hyphenate? Both Steve and I like the last names we were given by our families and hyphenating was a way to keep our names and make sure our child had the same last name as both of her parents (instead of keeping our own names and then giving our daughter one of our last names).

If you're married...or not, what do you think? Why did you make the choice regarding a last name that you did? Are there stereotypes that you have of people with hyphenated last names?

Card I Needed at This Time

2010-09-05T16:50:00.001-07:00

I saw this card while at Whole Foods today. What do you think..true statement?

A Challenge

2010-09-03T08:13:00.000-07:00

I read this quote on a United Way Facebook status:

Today I am fortunate to have woken up, I am alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings, I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others, I am going to benefit others as much as I can.-Dalai Lama

Here's the challenge - to live this quote and tell us how you developed yourself, expanded your heart to others, etc.

Change - The Only Constant

2010-09-01T09:32:00.000-07:00

I do not handle change well. Every time we move or any major life event happens, I second guess my decision and walk around in a kind of melancholy cloud for quite a long time. I know this is not completely abnormal, but it does not make life pleasant.

We moved across the country two weeks ago and although I feel really fortunate that Steve has such a great job, we bought a beautiful home and all the people we've met in our new community are super nice, I wonder if we did the right thing. We loved our previous home, the town, our jobs, daughter's school and amazing friends.

What major life change, or even not so major, have you gone through that sparked second guesses? How did you handle it? Have you ever made a major decision and then backed out of it?

Life's Grand Adventures

2010-08-17T07:33:00.001-07:00

My dear friend, Brooke, sent this quote to me as hubby, daughter and I are a day away from embarking on a new journey in a new town. It is the perfect expression of what I need to remember:

"Your problem is how you are going to spend this one and precious life you have been issued. Whether you're going to spend it trying to look good and creating the illusion that you have power over circumstances, or whether you are going to taste it, enjoy it and find out the truth about who you are.

From her graduation commencement address to Berkeley."
— Anne Lamott

At what time have you ventured into something, not at all certain of its outcome and left behind what was certain, comfortable and good in the hopes of something life altering?

Customer Service Angst

2010-08-13T20:54:00.000-07:00

At dinner tonight hubby and I were discussing the Jet Blue flight attendant who recently made headlines for his response to a difficult passenger. As I've read, the flight attendant got on the loudspeaker of a flight, said some choice words, grabbed 2 beers and exited the plane via the emergency chute.

Hubby and I chatted with our server a bit about dealing with difficult customers and I was impressed by his response. Our server stated that he represents the restaurant and doesn't express his frustration. He is there to make sure customers come back, but should a person, even if it is their job, be expected to take some of the abuse that is doled out to them? What is the appropriate response when you are there to provide customer service to someone who is treating you, you a person, poorly?

Also, I was dismayed to hear that this server often receives tips of only 10%. That is insulting.

Marriage Styles

2010-08-11T08:47:00.001-07:00

Oscar Wilde is one of my favorite authors, so here goes the first of what I'm sure will be many quotes of his: “People who love only once in their lives are. . . shallow people. What they call their loyalty, and their fidelity, I call either the lethargy of custom or their lack of imagination.” Oscar Wilde

I finished the book, Lost Boy, yesterday, about the author's experience growing up in a polygamous family on a compound in Utah. Unfortunately, he suffered severe abuse by the leader of the fundamentalist religion, as did other members of his family. Horrible.

However, it makes me wonder if polygamy can ever work. This question is also spawned by the recent discussions of allowing same-sex couples to legally marry, which some say will lead to the legalization of polygamous marriages in the U.S.

Regarding polygamy, the biggest problem with it seems to be the issue of underage girls being involved and whether or not choosing a polygamous lifestyle is really a choice. If those factors were not an issue, if the persons marrying were consenting with their full capacities and not having more children than can be provided for financially, emotionally and physically, I'd be fine with it.

However, our idea of plural marriage usually exists of one man with multiple wives. Plural marriage could be one woman with multiple husbands or same-sex couples (multiple men/women married to one another).

If I am open to marriages that differ from my own in the circumstance of same-sex marriage, shouldn't I be open to the possibility that a polygamous marriage could work as well?

*Again, I do not condone any marriage of any person who is forced or coerced into the relationship and not fully aware of the choice they are making - although, really, who knows EXACTLY what they are doing when they take the plunge?

New Blog - New School Year

2010-08-10T10:25:00.000-07:00

I'm going to jump right in and get this blog going. Today's quote:

“If a child can't learn the way we teach, maybe we should teach the way they learn.” Ignacio Estrada

As the new school year approaches I'm thinking about education, teachers, students and of course my own child who will soon be entering 5th grade.

We are in the process of moving from Utah to Michigan (hence the new blog as my previous one was based on my observations of life in "The Beehive State"). When we arrive in Michigan, our daughter will have the opportunity to visit a few schools and as a family, we will decide which school seems like the best fit for her - emphasis on those last two words.

I do not expect a teacher to teach a lesson 30 different ways, but I do expect a teacher to be willing to adjust their expectations based on their students' abilities. I expect teachers to have the freedom to teach in a way that demonstrates their gifts and personal style, while realizing that not all students will respond positively to their methods.

I hope teachers and parents will weigh in. What do you value in your current school (teachers) or your child's current school? What is your biggest frustration in education?